Secrets
by perfstebekah
Summary: This story is set 4 years after Stefan and Elena get together but they have secrets about their past neither of them know, when their relationship moves forward a step will they still be able to hide the ugly truth from each other and still stay together. All Human
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Okay so I decided to write a new story, with season 4 of the show coming up I decided we needed something a little different to read because as much as I like my other story I wont be updating for a while because it was too similar to the show. So I will be continuing that one eventually just this one will be taking priority. It's all human so o vampires to be seen. This first chapter only mentions Stefan and Elena but I will be bringing in other characters eventually, so I hope everyone enjoys it. Please review/ ask questions I love hearing your responses!**_

Elena couldn't believe it had been four years. Four years of her and Stefan. They had met almost 5 years ago and had been inseparable since, there had been bad times when not everything was perfect, but that was understandable, she loved her life, the low points just made the happy memories even better. The year that it had taken them to get together was the longest year of her life, never did she think they would get this far, it didn't seem real to her, it was like a dream.

She had only been awake a few minutes, reminiscing over the past, how far they had come together; she lay there, peacefully, with Stefan's arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close to his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat against her back. She didn't want to move and wake him; if it were possible she would want to lie with him here forever, stuck in that moment.

A couple of minutes later, she heard him draw in a long breathe and then sigh not long after, he was now awake too, she giggled a little feeling his warm breath against her ear and the back of her neck.

That was a sound he loved to hear, Elena's laugh no matter how bad things got, hearing that, made everything better and the fact he knew he would be around her everyday to hear the very same thing made him even happier.

"Good morning" he whispered sleepily, bringing his lips close to her ear and kissing it softly, she loved the way he did this every morning when she was awake, they would just lie there for a while, content with each others company.

"Morning." she replied and smiled as he pulled her even closer to his body than she was already, placing gentle kisses along the line between her neck and her shoulder, just like he always would, making his way down her arm, then going back to her shoulder again.

"mmm, I could get used to this." he whispered, he loved waking up in the morning knowing she was there next to him, there was just something about being there with her, that made everything a little bit more perfect than it already was and today was extra special.

He could tell this morning, that she was thinking about something, she was quiet and subdued, normally as soon as she was awake she would be poking him, wanting to talk to him about new ideas for renovating the house, or something so random that it should be illegal to think about so early in a morning, but he didn't mind, as long as she was there, it didn't matter.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked politely resting his head on her shoulder slightly so he could be a little closer to her, with her back resting against his chest he felt her sigh.

She smiled to herself, he had just proved why he was the one for her, showing her how well he really knew her, whenever something was wrong, he would be able to tell. Whenever she was upset about something, he would want to know, because he cared. He truly cared about her and wanted to make her happy all the time. She wondered to herself, whether he remembered that today was the anniversary they finally got together, secretly she hoped he had something planned for them to do together but she didn't want to expect too much of him, after all it wasn't as if it was a very memorable occasion, maybe she should have done something instead. Maybe it was best not to bring it up, then she would only get her hopes up for something to happen and she didn't want to end up disappointed because that would upset him too, really just being there with Stefan was enough.

"Just about us," she replied, which wasn't exactly a lie. "and about how far we've come together. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if I hadn't met you, what it would be like now…" she paused for a moment feeling tears gathering, trying desperately to hold them back so Stefan wouldn't see. Thinking of a life without Stefan was a life not worth living, he didn't know how sad she was before he met her and she never wanted him to know, the past was irrelevant to her and all that mattered was here and now, she knew that Stefan would never deceive her like **he** had.

Stefan also thought about what she had said for a moment, never really thinking about a life without Elena, because whenever he thought of his life, Elena was involved in it, he couldn't live without her, his life before was a mess, he was in despair, although Elena never knew this and as far as he was concerned, she didn't need to know, he was happy now and that's all that mattered. She was his future.

He was broken from his thoughts when he heard the pain and sadness in her voice, she was upset and he knew it. He gently moved his hands down her body to her hips and gently pulled on either side, turning her to face him. With one hand still resting on her waist he reached the other up to touch her face, staring deep into those beautiful chocolate eyes.

"Hey, don't cry, its ok." he whispered softly placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, pulling her into a hug "all I know is, no matter where you were, whatever happened, I would still have found you." he continued, something was on her mind, he could tell. She would never normally be upset about something like this; he clearly needed to talk to her. It didn't help how nervous he was today, especially with his plans; he desperately wanted her to love his surprise.

She felt his hand running up and down her back whilst hugging her; she didn't even know why she was being like this, just thinking about how badly things could have turned out without Stefan in her life upset her, and the thought of losing him was even worse. "Please don't ever leave me." she whimpered, sounding rather desperate, but he didn't mind, as long as she was telling him how she felt.

"Shhh, its ok, I won't ever leave you, I promise, your mine now and I'm never letting you go." he replied jokingly, she giggled slightly through her tears, which were falling on his bare shoulder. "I'm sorry." she cried "What have you got to be sorry for now?" he said sarcastically, she pulled out of their embrace to face him, looking deep into his eyes, they were so close, their lips were almost touching and as he spoke they brushed against hers.

"I got tears on your shoulder." she smiled as she said this, clearly keeping the conversation light was making her happier, so he decided that was the way it should stay, until later of course, but he was sure his surprise would cheer her up no matter what, especially as she had no idea about it, if anything he should be the nervous one.

"Now that is a big problem," he said playfully "you're definitely going to be sorry for that…" he continued suddenly flipping her on her back pinning her down with his arms either side of her holding most of his weight above her, assuring not to crush her underneath him. Her eyes were wide with excitement and shock of the way he was acting this morning, he began to lower his body towards hers, and keeping his arms in place so she was unable to move. She was staring intently into his beautiful green eyes liking the idea of where he was taking things and then she focused entirely on his lips as she watched him lowering them towards her own; painfully slow, she longed to reach her arms around his neck and pull him into a gentle kiss, but she couldn't. She knew exactly what he was doing, she couldn't move, so he would torture her and make her beg for him to lock his lips with hers. As soon as he was close enough she leaned forward as much as she could whilst pinned down and attempted to kiss him before he pulled back slightly, his lips millimetres from hers and as he spoke he stayed there in exactly that place his eyes gazing into hers "hmm, just how sorry are you though?..." he continued. She gasped as he began to kiss her neck "Very sorry, I can assure you it won't happen again." she whispered into his ear. He stopped kissing her neck for a moment and raised his head to look into her eyes once again he narrowed his eyes giving her a questioning look, it took everything inside of him to try and keep a straight face and not smile at her, that was just something that happened. Every time he thought about her, or anytime they spoke, even just looking into her eyes made him want to smile, that was just he effect she had on him and no matter what happened or where life took them he knew he would always be able to look forward to that smile.

"Well I'm not entirely convinced, you see…" he said playfully just a little louder than a whisper as he climbed off her, over to his side of the bed sitting up now, he knew if he continued this they would never get out of the bed at all today and he had big plans which she was a part of and that involved actually getting up.

He began to get out of bed when she grabbed his arm firmly and pulled him in for a soft kiss. Normally by this time he would be reciprocating this and pinning her down like he had before, but today he had to keep the mood light, for his own sanity. As he pulled away from their kiss he shook his head playfully "I am going to go and make breakfast, and you," he said pointing at her "need to get ready, so I can show your surprise." he got out of bed and picked up a t-shirt he had left on the floor last night, he had been so tired worrying about today he didn't have the energy to tidy up.

She sat up quickly at the mention of a surprise her eyes wide with excitement, then she admired as Stefan walk across the room in the tracksuit bottoms he had gone to sleep in last night, looking for his shirt although she didn't mind, him shirtless was just one of those things she could never look at without forgetting what air was, his perfectly toned torso and his arms packed with muscle, she bit her lip. "So what is this surprise then?" she asked casually trying to mask her excitement "urm Elena, I know I'm not the smartest of people sometimes but even I know, I can't tell you what a surprise is otherwise, its not a surprise it's just a… thing." he finished not knowing what else to say. He began to walk out of the room downstairs because he knew if he saw her pouting he wouldn't be able to resist her. She lowered her head in disappointment knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of him, but if he was going to play games with her, then she could easily do the same. "You know, you don't have to put a shirt on!" she shouted after him, he could just hear her as he reached the top of the stairs he quickly ran back into the doorway standing there briefly "Well you take yours off and so will I…" he said "those are the rules." he ran away quickly down the stairs, if he stayed there a moment longer he didn't even want to think where this could end up.

"There are no rules, remember?" she shouted after him ensuring he would hear, today was going to be a lot more fun than she had originally thought

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He froze, hearing Elena say something like that, it scared him a little because in that moment, Elena sounded like… **her**, and her voice was something he never wanted to hear again as long as he lived, he never wanted to see **her** again.

He decided that he shouldn't let something as stupid as that bother him because today could possibly be the most important day for them so far and he wasn't going to let some stupid memory ruin in for him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

About half an hour later Stefan was sitting in the kitchen when he heard Elena coming down the stairs, she always used to run down them and he had no idea why, it reminded him of a child, but that's what he liked about her, she wasn't always boring and sensible sometimes with people she knew really well, which pretty much only was Stefan, she would be prepared to be immature and have fun.

"Hey I thought you were making breakfast?" she asked politely, that was just his excuse to be away from her for five minutes to check his arrangements for today were in order "I thought you weren't going to be wearing a shirt?" he replied faking being upset "oh, don't get pouty, I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting rid of it later." she said getting closer and closer to him her lips almost touching his as they spoke. "How does right about now sound?" he whispered close to her ear his lips pressing against the skin on her neck sending shivers down her spine, he so badly wanted to give her that surprise, but right now if she was taking her shirt off, that surprise could wait.

He continued placing kisses down her neck along her collar bone before he reached her shoulder, he paused when he realised she was lightly pushing against his chest for him to stop. "Urmm, not so fast, I had to get out of bed today for this surprise, so I'm not going back to it until I get to see what it is or I get my breakfast!" she demanded "and besides from what your suggesting, it sounds as if your planning to do something I told you that I'm just not ready for yet…" she trailed of the mood instantly changing, looking down at her feet in shame.

She hated the fact her and Stefan had never actually slept together, after **him**, she didn't think she could sleep with any man, but Stefan made her feel safe, he was different and maybe one day she would be ready to be with Stefan fully, but not yet, and she loved that he said he would be willing to wait however long it takes until she was but…that's what **he** had said.

"Hey," Stefan had put one finger under her chin pushing it slightly so she would raise her head to look him in the eye, "I told you, I won't do anything you don't want, I promise, I would never force you into anything like that, you tell me when your ready ok? End of." he said cheerfully

Then he continued out of the front door out to where his car was parked outside of the boarding house. "Hey, where are you going?" she yelled after him, laughing at all of his secrecy this morning "Do you want breakfast or not?" he yelled back without turning around.

She grabbed her coat and scarf because she knew it was going to be cold out, it always was in the autumn, on her way out she shut the door ensuring to lock it, she couldn't imagine the sort of mad panic Stefan would go into if she told him she forgot.

Sure enough as she turned round she saw Stefan holding the car door open for her smiling proudly, standing there in his dark black coat done up almost all the way to the top so only the neck of his jumper was visible, he was also wearing the black boots she loved him in, they were his Christmas present last year from her and surprisingly he actually didn't mind her buying him shoes.

"Miss Gilbert would you do the honour, of accompanying me to breakfast, this fine morning?" he asked jokingly "Well Mr Salvatore, it would be my pleasure."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She couldn't help thinking how much she was enjoying herself already today, all of this secrecy and being in the dark about all of Stefan's plans. Normally she hated surprises, not knowing what could happen at any moment. Somehow being here with Stefan seemed safe like nothing bad could happen.

The car ride to wherever they were going was peaceful, keeping the conversation light

was good for him, helped calm his nerves a little. He remembered when they first

went out; he found the car ride extremely awkward.

**October 11th 2008 (4 years ago to the day)**

_He couldn't believe how nervous he was driving over to Elena's house, they had known each other for about a year now and he had only just had the courage to ask her out. She was the first girl he had ever felt something for since he broke up with…**her**, not even words could describe how different he felt when he was around Elena, there was just something about her and when she accepted his invitation to take her out to dinner he couldn't hide his happiness. They had only exchanged a few words before and now he was finally getting to know her, it just felt so right._

_When he arrived at her apartment he noticed she was standing outside in the cold waiting for him obviously, he immediately felt bad for not getting there earlier, but all his guilt slipped away when he saw her approaching his car with a gleaming smile on her face, looking more beautiful than he could ever have imagined. _

_After they had exchanged greetings he opened the door for her as she got in the car, after a few minutes of driving he found it slightly awkward. The restaurant he was taking her to was at least twenty minutes away and he had no idea what he should say, what she wanted to hear or whether he should just not say anything at all. He could tell she sort of felt the same, but the date had barely even started and he didn't want her to feel like going home already. He knew he had to do something to save this date from completely failing, he didn't know why he did it, and maybe it was just instinct. **She **said she always loved it when he did that. Whenever they used to be in the car together he would rest his hand on her back, slightly pressing it against the back of the seat with the other hand on the wheel, it made him relax a little knowing he was close to that person and **she** always told him how much of a gentleman he was, just by doing little gestures like that._

_As soon as he had done it, he regretted it instantly; she looked straight over at him with her big brown eyes and before he had chance to pull his hand away or say anything she looked him directly in the eye with her words mesmerising him "I'm really looking forward to tonight." and that was all he needed to hear, that made everything better, all his worries drifted away, that was what her words did to him. The rest of the car ride they sat in silence with him gently rubbing her back, it kept both of them relaxed in a way, the silence wasn't awkward at all in fact it was comfortable for them and nice to have a little peace and quiet after a long day at work._

Ever since that day he always did the same; resting his hand on her back, although occasionally it was her that placed her hand on the back of his neck, lightly scratching her nails over the place his hairline ended, he knew, whenever she did this she was worried about something or nervous, that was the only rime she did that although he didn't think she realised that, he just knew her a little too well. She was doing this today.

He knew today she had nothing to be nervous about, today it was his turn and her being this way wasn't helping.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She was looking out of the window when he pulled the car to a stop, she watched him get out of his side, walk around to her door and open it, holding his hand in front of him to help her out, and it was something he had done ever since she had met him, although today he held onto her hand and raised it to his lips and planted a gentle feather light kiss on it which made her smile, and definitely calmed her nerves a little. To be honest she didn't even know why she was nervous.

He held her hand there for a while enjoying the closeness of the two of them, he had brought her to one of their favourite places. It was a small café, in the middle of nowhere really; they stopped off here one early morning after coming back from visiting her brother Jeremy, he didn't live near Mystic Falls and he didn't really have time to visit them with all of his studying. So Elena had decided it was time for him to meet Stefan and so they stayed for the weekend although on the way back there was a lot of traffic and they ended up driving through the night. By the time they reached this café it was about 5am in the morning and it was one of their favourite memories, where they just sat and talked that was when she really fell in love with him.

She couldn't believe he remembered this and really it made her want to cry, it was so sweet and she really couldn't believe he would do this for her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once they were inside they sat down at a table by the window, looking out across the forest. The place was pretty much empty, peaceful. "So, now you finally get to have breakfast, what do you want?" he asked her politely, smiling.

She sat there for a moment staring blankly at him, wondering if he would act this way with her if he knew her past, all of those secrets, when he was completely honest with her and she was living a lie. "I-I'm not that hungry any more…" she trailed off looking down at the table rubbing her hands together nervously. "Oh…" he said not understanding the sudden change of mood again. "I don't mind if you want something, I just don't really feel like eating anymore." she said honestly.

"Well, neither do I so we might as well skip this part and move on to my next surprise." he told her, knowing there was no point trying to get her too eat if she didn't want to, so he would go along with her and try and see why she was acting this way.

So they left the café with him leading them along, his arm wrapped around her waist with her head leaning against his shoulder. Leading them away from the car and walking deeper into the woods. She didn't question him though; she learned to prepare for anything after her surprising morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They reached a clearing in the woods where there was a beautiful lake surrounded by trees with the picture reflecting in the clear water, it was breathtaking, she left his side and wondered forward towards the water in amazement. "Stefan this is beautiful."

He stood where he was watching her, never in his life had he felt how much he really loved her until now, that's when he knew it was the right time; he reached in his jacket pocket.

Elena was amazed at the beauty in front of her; she wondered why Stefan hadn't walked forward and joined her so they would be side by side "Stefan?" she questioned turning around to see where he had gotten to.

That's when she saw him, something she just wasn't ready for yet something they should have talked about before he surprised her like this. She felt like she had been repeatedly kicked in the stomach with no air to breathe and no words to convey her feelings.

There he was before her, on one knee holding out a small blue velvet box inside a ring as beautiful as the view, the diamond set in it was sparkling in the autumn sunlight which was shining down on both of them now.

"Elena Gilbert, you have meant the world to me these past four years, everything we have done together, just being with you has made my life complete. I know it's taken me four years to do this but now it feels right. All the words I could ever want to say to you, this is how I want to do it, now I can't imagine my life without you because it wouldn't be a life it would be an existence because without you I know I couldn't possibly live. Now I'm just going to stop talking before I say the wrong thing, but not before I ask you the most important question of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Elena, so will you marry me?"

He expected her to be shocked of course but maybe not like this she didn't even move, he felt like an idiot still kneeling there holding the ring out for her to see. She looked like she was about to burst into tears and not the happy kind; he could have sworn she had just frozen there.

She wanted to say yes with all of her heart, of course she did, this was the man of her dreams offering to share everything he had with her, giving her a beautiful ring. She had dreamt about this day for the whole of her life but maybe not this way, however much she wanted to say yes she knew when she said yes to **him** that was when everything went wrong and she couldn't even compare Stefan to him but the scars in her mind were still there. Marriage was something they should have talked about together, not suddenly thrown the question out of the blue; she would have been able to prepare herself convincing her to forget the past that Stefan wouldn't have to find out about and most of all wanting to say yes. All of her secrets couldn't come out now; he would hate her for sure and then never want to marry her. Secrets are meant to stay secret but how could she hide from him now?

_**A/N: Okay so I know it was a really long update to begin with but I wanted to get to this point. So I know it seems weird that Stefan and Elena have been hiding things from each other but they don't know and they don't want their bad pasts to ruin what they have. I promise their secrets will get more detailed so they explain more. Please review and tell me what you think **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: So I know its been over a week since I updated but its taken me a while to get this chapter right, sorry if there is any spelling mistakes I wanted to update as soon as possible, so I know there is heart break in this chapter but it wont be like this forever I promise, so I hope everyone enjoys this! p.s the part in italics is a dream!**_

"Elena – just say something…anything, that's better than nothing at all" he pleaded he couldn't work out what he had done wrong, everything she could have ever wanted he tried to make today perfect and after four years of them being together he was going to ruin in with one, stupid, selfish question. He mentally kicked himself knowing they should have spoken about this before.

He knew she would have hated him if he had done something like this in public so he chose the perfect place, maybe she hated the ring – that could be changed easily he thought to himself, or maybe it was just plain and simple – maybe she really didn't want to marry him.

He felt like an idiot still frozen there on one knee, he had opened his heart to her and he wanted to show everyone how much he really loved her, he wanted to make it official, so their relationship meant something to other people as well as them.

"I can't Stefan." she said, barely audible, less than a whisper, staring directly at him, seeming almost in a trance, tears brimming in her eyes threatening to fall any moment.

"What Elena? You can't marry me? Or you can't be in love with me anymore? Because right now I would say I don't think I want to know what you would answer to either of those!" he questioned his voice a little louder with each word, this time full of anger and regret. Even he was surprised at this tone of voice he was taking, they had never even argued like this before and to tell the truth it scared him a little, seeing himself act this way around anyone, but this was her.

She couldn't take it anymore, she knew it was all her fault and he was punishing himself because he thought he did something wrong, when really it was all her fault and she knew it – that sounded like something **he **would have said to her. She couldn't run from him, she couldn't hide it anymore, he had to know but not yet, not right now, it wasn't right. She just fell on her knees and sunk to the floor, unable to move. Then she made the biggest mistake she just cried with her head lowered facing the ground in shame. That right then, she had just shown him how weak she was, and if it were **him **instead of Stefan standing there in front of her, he would have taken advantage of that making her trust him and then tearing that trust away so she would be left with nothing.

They stayed there for a few minutes just in silence, neither of them knowing what would happen next. Thankfully she started to speak; only a few words, that was better than nothing he thought to himself but he knew she wouldn't say much.

"Just take me home." she pleaded, feeling guilty for ruining his day knowing it was all her fault and realising it was only her that could fix things now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was ironic how he was only thinking to himself on the way over here, how he always enjoyed himself when they were going anywhere in the car. They could sit and talk for hours about anything and everything and after that first car journey, it was never awkward again. Except from now, he had imagined what it would have been like after she had said yes, she would have run up to him and he would have picked her up in his arms and twirled her around until they couldn't stand on their feet. She would have spent the entire ride home planning the wedding talking to him about everything she had already decided on and he would just sit and nod agreeing to anything she wanted because as long as she was happy, that was all that mattered to him. But she wasn't happy, far from in it fact. Most importantly she hadn't said yes, so all his fantasies were far from becoming real at this point in time, to make things worse she didn't even say no. She just said nothing.

This was the first time they had ever felt like neither of them should say anything and they didn't. For the whole car journey, it was dead silent, only occasionally broken by the sound of Elena sobbing, staring out of the window, attempting to avoid his gaze at all costs.

Only hearing her cry made everything worse for him, he didn't know what he was feeling, so many emotions all at once, he couldn't take it. At first he felt guilty, like he had done something wrong, asking her to marry him, but as he thought more about it; all of his plans today were what Elena would want and everything he had done to please her and now he had no idea what he had done that was so awful.

That was what made him angry, the fact she wouldn't even talk to him, and she wouldn't even explain why she didn't say yes. What was so awful about him that she didn't want to marry him? Because at the end of the day, that was what it came down to? Whatever her excuse whatever she may or may not tell him later on right there, that was the truth. She may have an excuse to make him feel better or she may be brutally honest but he knew whatever her reasoning, he didn't want to hear it and he certainly couldn't face her right now, whatever she had to say.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When they reached the boarding house Stefan was first to get out of the car, slamming the door loudly behind him. It was no surprise to her that he didn't come around to help her out of the car; instead, as she emerged he was already halfway towards the front door, walking quickly, the gravel beneath his feet crunching loudly. She followed him reluctantly, knowing she was going to have to stay in that house all day with him, not knowing what could happen.

She approached the front door quietly, he had left it open waiting for her to come inside. Standing in the doorway, she could see Stefan with his back to her, tilting his head up slightly with his palms to his face. Was he crying? No, she watched him scrunch his hands into fists and hold them by his sides. No he wasn't sad, he was angry and really who was to blame him? He had just got the biggest rejection from her and she honestly thought he was handling it a lot better than she had once thought.

She couldn't help feeling guilty, more than she ever had before. Knowing everything was her fault, knowing if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Stefan (which she did), that at some point this day would come and she had hoped she would be better prepared than this, because as surreal as this seemed, this was reality and her answer had probably just ruined their future. She knew he would understand if he knew her secret, but he would hate her, if he knew she wasn't being truthful from the start of their relationship, maybe even more than he hates her now.

He started making his way upstairs, still avoiding making direct eye contact with her. As he was halfway up the stairs he stopped, although he didn't turn around, "Im going to finish some work." was all he said, not that he owed her an explanation. She was surprised herself that he was even staying in the house, she was expecting him to completely flip. Sometimes being upset wasn't something he handled well and that feeling often built up inside of him to despair and then anger, which he never took out on anyone but himself. Often he would go for a walk in the grounds surrounding the house to clear his head and Elena didn't mind that, because after he would always explain to her what was on his mind. It was just one of those things he did to stop himself being angry around her, because she made him a better person – that's what he said; actually he was the one who made himself a better person because that's what you do when you meet someone special, you feel you have to be a better person because they inspire you. He told her whenever he got annoyed with himself over something it was because he felt like he had let her down.

Although she knew he was lying when he said he was going to finish work, because he worked as a surgeon at the local hospital but most days he ended up doing paperwork. It was only when major operations were to be carried out that he ever got called into surgery. She knew he liked it that way, he would be able to look at their files and plan their treatment, knowing that he was saving their life, he was saving them, like he had saved her, he just didn't know it. He was giving them a life they thought they might never have and he always thought it was important to finish his work, he felt like he owed it to them to do that. Never before had she known him to bring work home with him, sure for some people he would ask her for advice, like if she were in that position, what would she want to do. But he never brought his work home to interfere with his home life.

She wondered what he would be thinking about up there in his office, all alone, how much he hater her right now perhaps, and how much he regretting asking her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As he sat there in his office, he had no idea what just happened, it all seemed like a blur. He had no clue what to do, he didn't really have work to finish, but he needed an excuse to get away so he could think everything through in his head, without interruptions. It sounded selfish but as much as he wanted to scream right now, he still loved Elena and he didn't want anger that had built up in the moment to be taken out on her because she had only been honest with him, surely that was better than lying and being unhappy? He knew all to well about hiding the truth, he should understand, maybe she found out about his secret and now she didn't want to be with him, after all he was the liar really.

He reached into his jacket pocket, he hadn't bothered to take it off when he went inside he needed to be alone as quickly as possible, before he said something he regretted. He pulled out the blue velvet box, placing it on his desk and slowly opening it. The beautiful diamond ring glimmered in the dim light scattered across the room from the window. He started at it for a few moments wondering how something so beautiful could make his world come crashing down around him within minutes, it sounded dramatic but it was true.

Everything this ring was supposed to stand for, everything is was meant to symbolise in their relationship was, love, unity, how far they had come and most of all a promise – a promise to each other, that this ring would bind them as one, forever. Maybe this was god's way of showing him that secrets aren't meant to be kept especially from the ones you love and that it was impossible to keep a promise as huge as marriage, for the rest of his life, to Elena if he couldn't even tell her the truth. He thought to himself, if karma exists, it definitely has its inconvenient times to appear.

He picked the ring up gently, from out of the box; it was so dainty and fragile, just like Elena and of course beautiful and stunning. He remembered buying the ring and not wanting to lose it before he found the right to time to ask her. How precious it had already become to him and he hadn't even proposed then, in fact this ring was his way of feeling close to Elena without her even being there, as soon as he first went out with her, he never wanted to lose her because when he thought his future without Elena he didn't have a future, he was one hundred percent sure, she was the one for him all he had to do was find a way of showing her that, this ring was his way of proving it to her.

He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes, wishing he could be somewhere else right now, thinking about the life he always dreamed of – the life with Elena. He imagined their wedding, all of the places they would visit around the world, giving her everything she ever wanted and most of all the future with her he most desperately wished was possible, but he knew the reality of his dreams were a lot further away than he thought they once had been. After all, she had said no to everything he wanted them to be and worst of all, he had no idea why.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_He watched her walk down the aisle, to him, she looked like an angel in her pure white dress and a vale over her face, her feet were not visible from the floor length dress but he was sure that she was floating down the aisle towards him. Ever so slowly, the distance between them becoming smaller and smaller._

_He knew it had upset her at first, knowing that her parents wouldn't be there on possibly the most important day of her life, but he knew that it meant just as much to Elena having her brother walk her down the aisle because in a way they both knew her parents would be there with her, even if they couldn't be seen._

_Even when standing directly in front of him Stefan still found it difficult to take in her beauty, her dark hair cascading down her back in perfect curls, her face still hidden beneath her vale. He was in awe of her and the vows were a blur to him and when it came to saying 'I do' he had barely noticed he was almost in a daydream, to be honest, he had no idea of anything he just said, as long as it meant he was married to Elena, he didn't care. _

_Then he heard the words he had been waiting for, after all this time, this is what he wanted to hear. "You may now kiss the bride." _

_He slowly reached his hands for the vale and lifted it up slowly over her head. He looked up to see Elena's beautiful brown eyes staring up at him, but it wasn't Elena. His eyes widened in shock and fear, what had just happened to him? He looked around at his friends and family sitting in the church, waiting in anticipation. Why were they not shocked? They looked as if they had been expecting this all along. So many questions were running through his mind, all of the wedding guests still staring at him._

_Where was Elena? He had sworn the beautiful woman walking down the aisle minutes earlier had been her but now he had no idea what had just happened. Why was **she** standing there, where Elena should be?_

_Then he heard that voice, **her **voice, the sound that made his head hurt something he never thought he would have to hear again. _

"_She might not want to marry you, but I always will Stefan and we both know deep down, you will always feel the same." Her voice rung in his ears, making his head spin. He thought he was about to collapse on the floor when he saw she wasn't finished, clearly she wanted to torture him more._

"_So are you going to kiss your bride or what?" _

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX_

He awoke to the sound of his office door closing, although he had his back to the door he knew it was Elena, nobody else would want to see him right now.

"Hey" she whispered, in a tone it was obvious she was trying not to upset him. He turned around in his chair to face her staring at the floor clearly wanting to talk to him about today's 'events'. "I didn't like the way we left things earlier and I-I thought that we should talk about it, if you want to…" she added

"Talk about what Elena, you said no and that's all that matters, its obvious that you don't want to marry so what is there to talk about apart from when you want to break up with me?" he said quietly knowing shouting about something would not help anything.

"I'm not going to break up with you Stefan, unless that's what you want because I can understand you hate me a lot right now. I'm not saying that any of this is your fault Stefan because it isn't – but this was a surprise for me, completely out of the blue, I don't know what you wanted me to say?" she trailed off, not knowing what else she could say to him to make him hate her a little less.

"Well maybe a yes would have been a start!" he replied slightly shocked at his own sarcasm. She was stunned, she had no idea what to say and it was obvious to her that's exactly what she should have done; to keep Stefan happy, she should have said yes because she owed that to him, because her past should not be ruining their future.

"Elena I don't mind if you don't want to marry me right now, or ever, because just being with you this way is enough, but I need to know why you don't want to because there obviously has to be a reason behind it and I have no idea what it might be, but if were going to make this work I need you to tell me." he continued

"All you need to know is that I love you Stefan, and that I'm just not ready for something as big a commitment as marriage yet." she was lying and it was killing her, but he couldn't find out about **him **she couldn't even imagine how angry he would be if she had told him.

"I know you love me, but if you can't tell me the truth, then how am I supposed to know that you won't want something more. I don't think I can talk about this anymore today, I'm sorry Elena I just need some time to think." he told her, feeling like a complete hypocrite because he was lying to her about his past and she didn't even know about it.

"Please Stefan," she said as she watched him get up and exit the room "I will be sleeping in the spare room tonight." he said as he walked down the corridor to one of the guest bedrooms.

She felt like her heart had just been ripped out, he didn't want her anymore, just like **he **hadn't.

Stefan made his way into the guest room and lay down on the bed, he sighed as he heard his phone buzz on the bed next to him, and he really wasn't in the mood to have to deal with work right now. Surprisingly the text wasn't to do with work, in fact it was worse it was from his brother, it read 'Guess who is coming to visit this weekend, only your favourite brother.'

That was the probably the worst thing for him and Elena now **Damon**.

_**A/N: Okay so I hoped you liked it, damon will be introduced in the next chapter so please review/re-read THANK YOU **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: I hope you like this update; sorry for any spelling mistakes again I wanted to update soon! so I really hope you like it and please review give me your opinion! Just to ask a question that was in a previous review, Damon is not 'him' but he will be in this chapter!**_

Elena walked into their room, alone. She hated that, she wished that she had the courage to tell him the truth and now maybe they could start finding their way back to each other that is if he ever wanted her again.

So then she wouldn't have to torture herself being in their room **alone,** surrounded by their memories, where everything reminded her of him. His clothes that were left on the floor from earlier this morning, the pictures of them on memorable occasions like birthdays and Christmas, every single photograph he always looked so happy and now she had ruined that.

She wanted to do nothing more than walked down the hallway into the room he was staying in and curl up in his arms and tell him how sorry she was, and most importantly tell him the truth about her secrets that she had been hiding for so long. She knew it was selfish and wrong but really she knew it was sensible for both of them to have some alone time right now.

She went into the bathroom and got changed, then made her way over to the empty bed. Normally she would see Stefan lying awake waiting for her to go to sleep, no matter how late, he always wanted to be sure she was safe. She just wanted to fall asleep right there and wake up the next day in a world where her and Stefan were happy and everything was perfect – just like it had been before, but that was never going to happen, no matter how much she wanted it.

Telling him everything was something she had wanted to do for such a long time, but there never seemed a right time. The more serious their relationship got, the more and more she worried about him hating her for not being honest to begin with, after all Stefan was so honest with her, surely he couldn't love her after finding out she had been lying all along.

She heard her phone go off, breaking the silence that was enveloping the room, she probably wouldn't have picked up the text if it hadn't been so close to her, because right now she really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

It was Caroline, no doubt wondering what her and Stefan had got up to on his week off work, although Elena didn't really want to tell her what had happened today because she didn't know her secret either, nobody did, only herself.

To her surprise Caroline didn't mention anything about her and Stefan. Elena wondered if she hadn't remembered, she didn't have the best of memories. She was actually texting her to ask if her and Stefan wouldn't mind looking after Tommy this weekend.

That was Caroline's little boy, he was only two years old and being a single mum was tough on her a lot of the time, although she hated to admit it. For her, the situation was very inconvenient at times, but she would never regret any moments she spent with her son.

A lot of the time it was really difficult for her, especially when working abroad. She was a fashion designer and ended up going to events all over the world and Stefan and Elena would always look after Tommy while she was away. Caroline hated the idea of dragging him around the world, especially as he was so young. It was really no trouble for them, Caroline was like a sister to her and she knew if it had been the other way around, she would help Elena just the same.

That was when Elena realised how lucky she was, Caroline was taking care of her child, pretty much alone all of the time in an apartment just big enough for the both of them and with a toddler running round making any room she thought she had, seem a lot smaller or even non existent. All of her money that was spare was going into Tommy's savings for the future, seeing as there would be no other parent to contribute, she made every penny count.

Elena couldn't even imagine being in that situation, she and Stefan had everything they ever wanted and he had just asked her to marry him, this life was probably something Caroline dreamed of, not only for herself but for Tommy too, someone to call a father, someone she would be able to rely on when she felt lonely and when she was tired someone who would look after Tommy and put him to bed when she needed a rest.

She felt like an idiot, no matter what happened in her past it shouldn't stop her from being truly happy, with Stefan, because all of this wasn't just affecting her, it was affecting Stefan's happiness too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The bed was cold; he was lonely left in this room, without Elena, he wanted to be with her so badly, to touch her, to hold her one more time because he was sure she never wanted to speak to him again.

This weekend could probably only get worse, with Damon staying over, he was one hundred percent sure that his brother would only stir up trouble between them, especially if he knew what had happened today.

His brother wasn't a bad person but he knew that he would never be able to settle down with any girl, not like himself, Damon thought life was just one big party and he intended to spend his life going from one girl to the next, with no strings attached.

He had warned Elena countless times not to fall for anything Damon says because although he never intended to be a bad person, most of the time his actions didn't go quiet to plan. This weekend she would be vulnerable and he didn't want her to be fooled into anything Damon said about him because he knew Elena and she was probably going to believe anything anyone told her right now just to avoid thinking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was always one of her favourite things to do, spending time with Stefan and Tommy, she had always treated him as if her were her own son and Stefan had always done the same. Caroline would always get mad when they would buy him things he wanted, knowing that Stefan and Elena would always let him keep them. Spoiling him was her and Stefan's job that was always their excuse whenever Caroline asked.

She had so many memories of the three of them together, although she had one favourite, whenever she was worried about something or upset she would always think about it and remember how amazing she felt that day. She knew she wouldn't be falling asleep tonight so there was no harm in remembering the good times.

It was the weekend that he had first stayed over at Stefan and Elena's house, sure he had been over for visits but it was only about half a year ago when Tommy could walk and talk because Caroline refused to let him out of her sight until she could leave him with Stefan and Elena knowing he would be okay.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_Bedtime!" Elena shouted from the kitchen, walking into the living room to find Stefan sitting on the sofa and the sound of Tommy's laughter echoing through the room. She could see him attempting to hide behind one of the chairs but his eyes could be seen peering around the corner trying to see if Elena had found him yet._

"_Now I wonder where Tommy could be?" she said sarcastically to Stefan seeing if the little boy would make an appearance anytime soon. "I don't know, I think he just disappeared!" Stefan concluded, playing along with the game to see if they could actually get him to go to bed, because he missed having Elena all to himself, he had no idea how much time little kids took up._

"_If you can't find me then I don't have to go to bed." he squealed through laughter, still hiding behind the chair. "Well I don't think he will want to see the new bedroom upstairs anymore, I guess we will just have to give it to someone else." Stefan said loudly hoping Tommy would get the idea. _

_Elena smiled at Stefan, she could tell he was getting a little jealous that the little boy was getting all of the attention, it was kind of cute, she thought, how he was so needy for a little interest. Although she definitely wouldn't mind a rest, the whole day chasing a toddler around was a lot more tiring than she thought._

_They both watched as an exhausted little boy dragged himself towards them his eyes threatening to close right there and then. "Can I go to bed now?" he said sweetly, they could both tell how tired he really was. Elena went to go and pick him up and carry him upstairs but Stefan put his arm out in front of her to indicate he would do it, she loved how he always thought about her, even about the little things she probably wouldn't be able to get all the way up the stairs anyway, she wasn't exactly the strongest of people._

_Stefan carried Tommy in one arm as he and Elena turned off all of the lights downstairs and as they made their way upstairs he wrapped one of his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest, feeling her tiredness suddenly catch up with her but she wouldn't change a second of it, right there and then, that's when everything seemed real, she wasn't living a nightmare anymore, maybe she could have the future she wanted after all._

_They placed Tommy in one of the guest bedrooms, Stefan had insisted they brought him new toys for when he came to stay, which turned into him decorating the whole room specifically for him, to be honest Elena wasn't surprised. He loved looking after Tommy and seeing him happy clearly made Stefan happy too._

_She pulled the bed covers over the little boy and sat on the edge of the bed as she watched him sleeping peacefully, he hadn't even get up to the room before he was asleep. Stefan was closing the curtains as he turned to see her looking intently at Tommy. She was so good with him; maybe this is what his future would have been like with **her**, although he supposed he would never know, he didn't want to know. Right here, right now, he wanted this as his future, just him and Elena, that was his idea of perfect._

_He walked over and placed his hand on her shoulder she reached up and intertwined her hand into his, taking one last look at Tommy and then leading them both over to the door. Once they were both outside she slowly, quietly closed the door behind them. "Wow I'm exhausted" she said leaning her head against his chest, and he wrapped one of his arms around her, the other rubbing her back gently, she could have sworn she was as tired as the little boy. "Me too" replied Stefan, although Elena knew today was probably nothing compared to all of the work he does at the hospital. _

"_Do you ever think about us having kids in the future?" he asked, she looked up at him in the dark although she could still see his beautiful green eyes "No, I know you would get too jealous of them all, because you wouldn't be getting any attention." she joked "but honestly, I hope someday we do because when I look at you with him, its probably one of the sweetest things I have ever seen and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a child of our own." she continued. He smiled at her because that's exactly what he would have said about her, she was amazing with Tommy and he had always wondered whether it would be any different for them having a child of their own. _

"_Let's go to bed now" he said softly, wrapping his arm around her waist and walking them down the hall to their bedroom. Within minutes they were both laying next to each other, glad to finally be able to rest. Stefan pulled her close to him, she could feel his steady heartbeat on her back. "I love you Elena, and even if we stay like this forever, it will be enough for me, as long as I have you, nothing else matters." _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She didn't realise she had been crying until now, but sure enough her salty tears were dripping down onto the pillow beneath her head. She just wished she could go back to that moment, everything was perfect, she felt safe and loved, and she had Stefan. Maybe Tommy coming over this weekend might help things, just the three of them surely Stefan would not leave her alone to look after him at least that gave them something to talk about. Her pillow was now soaked with tears, she felt like an idiot. She reached to her side and swapped it for Stefan's, seeing as he wasn't there, she was sure he wouldn't mind.

That was a mistake, she leaned her head down on the pillow and inhaled deeply, all she could smell was everything that reminded her of Stefan, if she didn't know any better she would have thought he was in the room, but sadly for her the only reminder of him, was this pillow. She turned over attempting to go to sleep when she remembered she had left her mobile on the other side of the bed, it was too late to try and grab it as she watched it fall off the bed and make a loud smashing noise on the floor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He didn't realise he had fallen asleep until he heard a loud noise coming from down the hallway, it woke him up and he couldn't get back to sleep. Not because of the noise, but it worried him that Elena wasn't okay. He got out of bed and tiptoed down the hallway to where their room was, he slowly reached for the handle to go inside but then he knew better. That would have been a stupid mistake, she probably didn't want to see him now and she probably didn't care whether he thought she was okay or not. Instead he went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water and work out how he was going to tell her that she was going to have to put up with Damon this weekend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She got out of bed quietly as trying not to make any more noise, and approached the stairway. As she reached the kitchen she realised Stefan was sitting in their too, he had already looked up and seen her, so there was no way that she could get out of there before he realised. It was awful; she had no idea what to say, should she say anything at all? Maybe he will say something, she hoped.

She walked into the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs at the table, opposite him. He looked up at her expectantly, she had no idea what she was doing, she came down to get some fresh air but she had a feeling her legs would give way any minute if she had to look into his eyes full of sadness and anger. It surprised her that he didn't look angry or upset, considering what he was probably feeling right now, she thought he was hiding his feelings pretty well. She looked down at her hands, resting them on the table, she was sure he could see her fingers trembling from where he was sitting.

"I got a text from Damon just now." he began, she looked at him not really registering what he had said, just shocked he was even talking to her. "he said he coming to visit this weekend, I can tell him no if you mind, but you know what he's like when he makes his mind up over something, he's not exactly considerate of other peoples feelings." he said still looking at her, refusing to break eye contact. He noticed her sighing looking pretty annoyed, clearly she was not going to be happy seeing Damon and neither would he, normally they are quite good at faking it. "It's not that I mind, it's just that I said to Caroline just now, that we would look after Tommy this weekend and with Damon here it's probably not the best idea." she said quietly, feeling guilty for putting Stefan in the situation where he had to tell his brother he couldn't stay. Although she knew he only wanted to visit them because he was probably bored and had no other girls to keep him busy. "Maybe we should have them both here, I mean Damon can look after himself and I don't think it would be fair to let Caroline down after we have agreed to help." he said whilst smiling at her, "so now we will have two kids here for the weekend instead of one." he joked, she couldn't believe how much she missed his smile; every time she saw it she swore her heart broke a little bit more every time, she could tell he was being nice for her sake although she didn't deserve it. Neither of them knew what to say, it was awkward and she didn't want to say something wrong again. So she just stared down at the table having no clue what to do.

"Why are you down here anyway" he asked, she shot her head up trying to think of something to say, in fact she couldn't even remember herself. Why was she down there? "I, urm couldn't sleep, so I came down to get some fresh air." she replied hesitantly "What are you doing down here?" she answered quickly trying to get his attention away from her. He thought about lying to her, about thinking of going into her room to see if she was okay, but more lies were definitely not going to help their situation. "I heard a noise" he said looking down at his feet "coming from your room and I was going to see if you were okay, but I didn't think that would be a good idea." he trailed off looking back up at her to see her reaction.

"Why not" she questioned, her voice soft, and quiet "Well I thought because of what happened earlier, I didn't think you would want me to, anyway its really nothing to do with me anymore because you its obvious you don't want to be with me" he finished, his voice almost as quiet as hers.

"Stefan just because I said no, it doesn't mean that I don't love you, because believe me I do, more than anything you can ever imagine but I don't think that marriage is a good idea for us right now. I need to think about it before I make a decision this important but this doesn't mean that it will always be a no because I still want to be with you Stefan and I know this is all my fault but we will find our way back to where we were, I promise."

"I don't mind that you need to time think Elena but I need to know why you can't marry me now, there must be some other reason and if you ever want to marry me, I will need to know." he replied "I'm going back upstairs now, I think we will need all of the sleep we can get with Tommy staying over tomorrow." he said politely and to his surprise she began to follow him.

When they got to the opposite doors, Elena had no idea what he would do, did their conversation just mean that they were on okay terms, or was it a hint to that he knew she was hiding something and it was only a matter of time before he found out for himself.

To her disappointment he began to open the door to the spare room, and for a minute she thought he saw her frustration of the fact he had done this. "I forgive you, by the way" he said whilst reaching for her hand, she jumped at the contact from him that she had longed for so much. Every time he they made contact her skin felt like it was burning, and she got a feeling that she was on fire. "for saying no" he continued seeing the confused look in her eye "but that's only because I'm living in hope that one day, you will say yes and for your information, I would love to sleep in there with you tonight, but I think we both know you need some time to think." he told her, winking to see if she might smile, because after today he thought he overreacted and she may never want him again but at least if she did, she knew he wasn't annoyed anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elena looked out of the window, she could already hear Tommy laughing before she could see him and Caroline walking towards the door. Watching Caroline trying to talk to him seriously, about behaving this weekend and going to bed on time was quite entertaining, especially whilst the little boy was running circles around her. Literally.

She had been busy all morning getting all of his toys ready and making sure the room was all set, she was one hundred percent sure that it would end up being messy within the first hour or so of him arriving.

She was just about to head downstairs to open the front door when Stefan nearly walked straight into her, clearly going to do the same. She hadn't seen him since their little conversation last night and she didn't really know what to expect, although she forgot all of her concerns when she saw his beaming smile. She didn't realise how close they were until he spoke, she could feel his breath on her cheek, and she noticed he had purposely stayed where he had walked into her. He was going to torture her until she talked to him properly and explained things. "Hello stranger." he whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. She felt him lean in even closer than he already was so she could feel his torso pressed firmly against her, she reached up her hands and grabbed his face, looking deep into his eyes. She so badly wanted him to kiss her and when she saw his lips moving ever so slightly closer towards hers, she felt her heartbeat quickening, so fast that she were sure it shouldn't be possible. She leaned in towards him about to kiss his lips, something she had longed to do yesterday, and then she felt his finger press against her lips to stop her. He moved his head closer to her right ear "we have guests" he whispered into her ear. He smiled when he heard her sigh "I'm sure they wouldn't mind" she said playfully hoping that he would take advantage of the few minutes they had now before they were chasing around after Tommy all day. "Somehow, I think we better go and see them." he said before pulling away, she felt frustrated from the loss of contact.

If she had imagined this today after what had happened yesterday, she could have only thought of separate rooms, silence and awkward lingering stares. The truth was, after he had told her he forgave her, she couldn't stop loving him, because she knew even when breaking his heart so much by saying no, he still couldn't be mad at her. Although she couldn't help wonder how much he had worked out about her past already, she knew she was going to have to tell him, she knew he wasn't going to like it but he wanted to know, he needed to.

After Caroline had said her goodbyes to Tommy, Stefan took his bags upstairs. Elena swore he was just excited as the little boy was, but it was kind of cute to watch him like that.

She could hear them laughing together already and she was about to go up and see what the fuss was all about when she heard a knock at the door, it must be Damon. Although she was surprised he didn't just barge in, Stefan had probably spoken to him about behaving this weekend, considering the circumstances.

She walked over to the front door and opened it, trying to see who was standing in front of it without looking too nosy. Sure enough he was standing there, looking arrogant as ever, although, some things never change. "Elena" he said nodding at her then walking straight past obviously attempting to find his brother. "He's upstairs, with Tommy" she said shouting after him, not at all shocked at the manners that he failed to show.

Damon turned around abruptly eyeing Elena suspiciously, and then he also heard the laughter coming from upstairs, the sound of a small child. "What! Do you guys have some kid that I don't know about or something?" he asked her looking slightly confused.

Elena laughed at his seriousness "No, don't be stupid Damon, he's staying here for the weekend, we're just helping out a friend." she explained.

The next minute Stefan and Tommy were making their way down the stairs, Elena watched him keep an eye on the little boy all the way down, as to ensure he wouldn't fall.

"So I thought we could go on a picnic today." Stefan announced, Damon rolled his eyes of course, but Elena looked thrilled by the idea so he didn't really care what Damon thought. "Seriously, a picnic, what happened to my fun loving brother?" Damon questioned, "He grew up" answered Stefan sarcastically. "I love picnics!" squealed Tommy, which caused Stefan and Elena to laugh at the child's enthusiasm. "See, that's the type of attitude I want to see" Elena told Damon, who still wasn't entirely happy he was going to have to fight for attention between him and a 2 year old.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They only stayed in the grounds of the house, but found a nice spot in the woods not to far from the house, so it was in easy walking distance if it began to rain. After they had all eaten some sandwiches that Stefan had prepared earlier, they all sat talking for a while – well, listening to Tommy talk at them.

"I want to go back and get some of my toys" pleaded Tommy, Elena had been worried about them taking a lot of his things out there, especially if it had began to rain, but now there wasn't a cloud in sight so she didn't think it would be such a bad idea.

"Okay then, as long as you are careful, your mum wouldn't be happy if you break them." she shouted as he had already begun to run as fast as he could in the direction of the house. "I'll go with him, don't worry." added Stefan, Elena smiled back at him as she watched him chase after Tommy.

"What's going on?" asked Damon cautiously, having noticed Stefan and Elena were acting…different and he was pretty sure it wasn't because of the child. "What do you mean" she countered, worried that he was catching onto yesterdays events, which in her eyes she and Stefan were doing a pretty good chance of hiding from him.

"You and Stefan, something's different, something is wrong, normally you two are all over each other, I mean you would always look at him like it was the last time you were ever going to set eyes on him and now, I have barely seen you hug him or whatever, and don't even try and lie to me because I'm not stupid." he stared at her intently waiting for an answer, he felt guilty. She was silent for so long, she looked like she was going to cry at any minute.

"We, had a disagreement." she said bluntly knowing she shouldn't be telling him but she couldn't lie. "And…" Damon asked, clearly not satisfied with the answer he was given.

"What was it about?" he asked even surprised himself at the tone he was taking, it sounded too caring for him but something told him, everything wasn't so great between them.

"He asked me to marry him and I said no." she said quickly, emotionless looking away abruptly avoiding his eyes as if she were ashamed to tell anyone.

"What? Why!" he asked raising his voice, he couldn't help it. What he had just heard was so surprising he was still in shock.

"Please don't look at me like that, I had a reason." she said sadly as if she were begging for forgiveness. "Oh really, what was it? Because if I were Stefan right now I would probably be killing myself over the huge rejection I just got." he said even louder.

"Well your not Stefan and I want to marry him but I can't and that's something we need to talk about together, it has nothing to do with you and I have no idea why I even bother talking to you sometimes Damon, its like everything bad you could ever imagine being said to you, all coming from one person at once."

_**A/N: Okay so please don't hate me for the ending but I needed to update soon I hope it sounded okay so please review, thank you for everyone who is already, your advice helps me so much!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: So this chapter some of Elena's past will be revealed but only SOME not all of it, so please don't be disappointed there will be more to come and thank you to everyone for your reviews I have tried to include a bit of brother bonding for Stefan and Damon in this chapter so I hope you all enjoy reading!**_

Damon sat there speechless. To him; Elena had always been the type of person to keep her thoughts to herself. He had never imagined her saying something like that and deep down, she was right, but he would never let her know that.

She was sitting still, motionless, probably in shock that she had just told Damon what she really thought, something she had never done before, partly because she listened to Stefan's advice; to just ignore anything he said, but this time it was personal, he didn't know anything about her past, nobody did.

That was when it hit her; someone should know about her past and it should be Stefan. He should know everything about her, just like she knew everything about him. She didn't even want to look at Damon right now, before she said something else she regretted. She really overreacted and she just couldn't explain why, ever since yesterday her emotions had been going mental, one minute she was at the point of despair, the next she couldn't control her anger, she guessed that's what lies did to a person after so long.

She got up and started walking; she didn't know where she was going, probably to find Stefan that was what she would normally do, but this time she couldn't, not after what she had just said to his brother, that and the events from yesterday would surely make him angry again, although he had tried to hide it by forgiving her, she knew deep down he still wasn't as happy as he made out, because he knew she was hiding something, she just needed to tell him.

Just hearing those words that he forgave her, she felt like the luckiest person in the world, even though she didn't deserve it. Then she had just gone and blown it all again, by saying something stupid.

Maybe **he **was right after all, it was probably true. Nobody would ever want her.

She was walking faster and faster now, she had no idea where she was heading she was just staring at her feet, placing one in front of the other. Thinking about everything, how lucky she is, how selfish of her to only think of herself when Stefan proposed. Why did she get everything wrong?

She was crying again now, for around about the fifth time in two days, it was getting ridiculous how emotional she was, especially seeing as all of the times she had cried, were over things she had done. Now Damon probably hated her too. It wouldn't be surprising.

"Elena!" she heard a voice shouting from behind her, Damon had followed her, great. That was all she needed. She stopped and waited for him to catch up, she thought she should at least have the decency to hear him out "Look I'm sorry okay, sometimes I say things that I don't mean and they don't sound the way I thought they did in my head. I know it might be hard to believe but I do care about my brother and as much as I have no idea why you didn't agree to marry him in the first place, there has to be a reason and you don't have to tell me. In fact if you really don't want to talk to me I will leave now and you can have the weekend to yourselves, but you owe it to him to explain why. You never know, marriage might not be that bad. It probably won't even be any different to now." he said hopefully, praying that she might see sense instead of running away from him.

"Everything is different Damon." she said directly almost to herself, reminding her of the past, everything that happened. The lies, the happiness, the tears and then, _the truth_. That was what made everything worse, _the truth,_ something she had never told Stefan, which was probably the biggest mistake of her life. If he knew the truth he would understand why she said no, everything that happened, just the thought of marriage brought back those terrible memories

She watched Damon walk towards her grabbing her arms, causing her to look at him, with tears still streaming down her face from minutes ago. "If you love Stefan now and you want to marry him then how will anything change when you're married, I know I'm not exactly an expert on the whole 'relationship' thing but I know this much. My brother loves you, more than anything, ever in his entire life and he would only have proposed to you if he thought it was something you wanted, so. Do you really want this?" he said seriously, more serious than Elena had ever seen him before.

"Of course I want this Damon, it might not be obvious now, but believe me I do. All I know is when people get married, things change, and people change too. They have to, because that's what happens in life, sometimes they change for the better and sometimes its for the worse and then they get bored, they realise they cant act like love struck teenagers anymore, everything gets serious and they appreciate they have responsibilities, then everything changes, everything goes wrong." she trailed off, realising she had said way too much.

"Come on Elena, your acting like you're the marriage expert here when we both know you know as much about the subject as I do." he said, slowly going back to his normal arrogant self. "I mean you never know if you've never tried right? So I think that puts us on a similar page don't you"

"Well Damon! It might surprise you to know that one of us has been married before!" she shouted angrily, letting go of all of her composure, everything she had been hiding away for so long, all of it was surfacing now, she shouldn't be telling him, she knew that but anything to shut him up right now would do. She didn't need him torturing her about why she should have said yes, when he didn't know any of the reasons, to why she should have said no. All of the things Stefan didn't know yet, everything she planned on telling him before things got this far.

The truth was, in the beginning, whenever she was with Stefan, she forgot about her past, everything bad that had happened, a kiss from him, or a hug, would make everything better. Eventually she couldn't stop hiding those feelings, whenever she was alone, she would think of him, and the more time went on, she began to think of him when she was with Stefan, as much as she hated those memories, as much as she wanted to forget them. The more time she spent with Stefan the more her lies were killing her inside, maybe which was a way of forcing her to tell him.

She was staring at Damon, waiting for him to say something, she didn't want to run because knowing him, the first thing he would do is go and tell Stefan , that was the last thing she needed. After all of this, the one thing she knew was whenever she was going to tell him, she needed to do it herself, no interference from anyone else. Just the truth, everything from her heart, all of those feelings she had kept to herself for so long. That was what he needed to know. That was what he should know already.

She felt kind of guilty now, loading all of her drama off on Damon, she had never seen him lost for words, but with everything she had just said, she couldn't imagine him just being okay with it. After all she never expected it to go so well whenever she told someone. The worst was, he didn't even know everything that was just the tip of the iceberg. The marriage, it was everything that happened after that was something really worth hiding.

"What?" he said in disbelief, he didn't know if he was imagining things or was he just dreaming? The first thought that struck him was, did Stefan know? Which he doubted considering her reaction to his thoughts on her rejecting his proposal and as much as he liked to irritate his brother, he needed to know what she had just told him because it wasn't fair, especially because it probably meant the difference between Stefan knowing why she had said no and Stefan thinking she had said no because she genuinely didn't want to marry him.

"You heard me Damon, it may surprise you to know I do know a little bit about marriage considering I was married, because you know you tend to learn a few little things about a the subject when it actually applies to you." she said sharply, feeling like she had to take control of the situation so he wouldn't make her think about her feelings again like earlier, he wouldn't make her realise what a bad and stupid person she was.

"Look Elena, I don't know what you think but I'm not going to judge you, because I have secrets, I haven't been honest all of the time and I haven always made the right decisions, look where this has got me. I don't know what to say all of the time but I know that keeping this from Stefan is not a good decision. I know my brother and he will just want to know the truth, he knows something isn't right and the longer you keep it from him the more he will worry about you. Now you don't have to listen to any of this and we can pretend you never told me anything because if that is what you want then it's your choice. At the end of the day if your not going to tell my brother I will, because as much as you think I dislike him, I wont stand by and let his life get destroyed again by something that I should have told him." he said in a matter of fact way, it was brutal and honest and it was the truth and if she was honest, no matter how much it hurt she knew he was right.

She didn't reply to what he had said, just a simple nod in agreement, she had lost all of her capability to speak, because she knew the most difficult part was coming next. How to tell Stefan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The walk back to the house was awkward, with Damon following behind her; she tried to walk as fast as she could, so she wouldn't have to see him. Stefan was probably wondering where she was, although she had felt a few drops of rain earlier so him and Tommy had most likely stayed inside.

She thought it was best not to talk to Stefan yet, after her conversation with Damon, she thought it would be best to have a while to cool off. The last thing she wanted was to say something stupid to Stefan, especially after how good he had been to her the past few days. Secondly she needed to decide how she was going to do this, should she tell him everything or just a little bit of information at a time, then he would be able to decide how much he really wanted to hear – that is if he even wants to talk to her after this.

Her only worry was, she would sound weak and vulnerable, as if by pouring her heart to him she would sound desperate and attention seeking, wanting him to feel guilty for her after she had said no. That was everything she didn't want, she wanted him to know that she accepted the fact the reason their relationship is falling apart right now is because of her and everything she had done.

She walked through the front door silently, hoping to get by unnoticed by Stefan and Tommy. To her relief she could her them talking in the living room, so she quickly and quietly made her way upstairs, to their room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Their room was still left the way it had been from earlier this morning, when she decided that getting ready for their guests took priority over tidying up.

Walking over to the window she could see the rain was falling heavily now, meaning that all four of them would be stuck in the house until it held off; which by the looks of it, was going to be a very long time.

She sat down on the window seat, with her back pressed against the wall, she leaned her head onto the window. The glass was cold; it was nice feeling the heat wash out of her, calming her down.

She remembered her past a little like this, sitting alone, somewhere she could keep her thoughts to herself, deciding that everything would be better if nobody else knew anything. All those feelings that she kept bottled up inside for so long, that's the way she just got used to things, maybe that's part of the reason she never told Stefan. To be honest she didn't know why really, mostly because she was scared that if he knew everything, he wouldn't be interested anymore and it had been so long since anyone had shown interest in her like he had and she knew it was selfish but that was genuinely the truth.

The only thing that stuck out fro her now in that whole conversation was when Damon said 'I won't sit by and watch his life be destroyed **again**' she could never remember Stefan mentioning anything particularly bad about his life. Or maybe she was so self absorbed in her own lies, she never had the time to listen to him about his past.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stefan heard the front door shut, he had begun to wonder where Damon and Elena had got to. In fact, he was surprised she didn't leave him out there alone and follow him inside. They never really got on at the best of times and he could understand there was only so much of Damon's sarcastic comments and snide remarks a person could take.

He got up and went to the front door, to only find Damon standing there, without Elena. He couldn't help but laugh at his brother standing in the doorway, drenched from the rain. Clearly he didn't get back quick enough. "Where's Elena?" Stefan asked, looking at his brother, evidently not happy about him finding humour over him being soaked by the rain.

Damon suddenly thought where was Elena? She had begun walking so far ahead of him on the way back, he didn't bother trying to keep up with her. "She must have got back before me" he said bluntly, definitely not looking forward to the twenty questions he was going to receive from his brother before he explained what had happened out there.

"You didn't walk back with her?" Stefan questioned, normally his brother would never miss an opportunity to try and irritate her, and it was something he was very good at. Normally Elena was too polite to say anything and she tolerated it for the time he was staying there. It was odd she wasn't making the effort to try and talk to him.

"Wait – Damon what have you done?" he said suspiciously, watching his brother slowly attempting to get away from this interrogation. "Now why would you think that I have done something, honestly Stefan, I'm deeply hurt." he replied sarcastically, obviously trying to get out of this conversation, which, by the way, was definitely happening, until he had found out what had really happened.

Stefan stared at him awaiting an explanation. "What! We just talked." he said innocently walking straight past Stefan into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table. "Talked about what?" Stefan replied curiously, surely a 'talk' with Damon can only result in a disagreement which probably explains where Elena is.

"About what you two got up to this week" he said vaguely, hoping Stefan would catch on so he wouldn't have to spell it out to him. He watched as Stefan brought his hands up to his face and sighed "she told you then" he said, slightly irritated that Damon even brought it up "only because I asked her what was going on, believe it or not I'm actually smart enough to recognise when something is wrong, and I thought I could help." he said proudly, he heard Stefan laugh to himself "sorry, what? You thought you could help." Stefan replied in astonishment that his brother was actually being serious; he couldn't remember him wanting to help someone _ever_.

"Well I thought, considering I'm never going to be the one who gets the happy ever after, bla bla bla, I thought that I might as well make sure that my brother does and so I talked to Elena about everything that happened." he said, almost ashamed that he would seem to be caring about his brother.

Stefan had no idea what to say, he never thought his brother saw things that way, hearing him describe his life like that made it seem as if Damon was… jealous? That couldn't be right; Damon always said how boring Stefan's life was. Maybe he did care after all.

"What did she say?" Stefan asked, his voice quiet, wondering if Elena had told Damon how she really felt about the whole situation. "She explained what happened, and – I think you should talk to her." he said hoping his brother wouldn't overreact like Elena had.

"I've tried Damon, she doesn't want to talk and I can't help but think she's hiding something, I know that sounds like I don't trust her but I do, it's just I don't want her to be keeping something from me that could be bad for her." he said hopelessly.

"I think she will talk, just give her a couple of hours, try and talk to her later, I think she has some things she needs to tell you." replied Damon. "Why, Damon, what has she told you?" said Stefan warily, the thought his brother knew something about Elena that he didn't, upset him a little. "Stefan, just talk to her, I can't promise you will hear the things you might want, but it's better than not knowing at all." Damon said sincerely, Stefan had never before seen him be so honest about something in his life and he was right if Stefan had a chance at living the life he always dreamed of, it was now he had the chance, he couldn't let it slip through his fingers; not like before.

Neither of them knew what to say, they had never had a conversation this serious before. Stefan wasn't going to go and find Elena right now, she needed time. They both did, so he thought it would be best to spend some time with Tommy and Damon before he had to speak with Elena.

They both walked into the living room and sat down either side of Tommy, who was happily watching some children's program on TV, Stefan wondered if he even noticed them sit down beside him. Damon groaned, probably due to the hideous noise coming from their TV, the programs kids watched these days always seemed to have to annoying presenters that always sang even more annoying songs, which were very VERY catchy.

"Seriously, how do you even manage to watch this?" Damon asked jokingly although honestly, he didn't think his ears could cope anymore. "Yeah it really doesn't get any better with time." Stefan replied, laughing at his brother, he really had no idea how to look after a child. "sshhh" they both looked at Tommy who was sitting next to them, giving them an irritated look. "I'm trying to watch." he whined, both the brothers looked back apologetically, they definitely weren't tempted to talk again. Being told what to do by a two year old was a lot more intimidating than Damon had thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elena hadn't come downstairs for dinner, but if time was what she needed Stefan was willing to give her it, neither him nor Damon were surprised. He figured that she was in their room; he hadn't expected her to be anywhere else. So after he had put Tommy to bed he thought that would be the best time to talk to her. No little children there to interrupt and to Damon to interfere.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stefan walked over to the door of Tommy's room, after finishing reading the story he had requested, he began to leave the room. Normally Elena would be here with him, but not today. He wondered, had she forgotten, maybe there was a lot of things she needed to tell him.

Maybe this was the right time to tell her everything too, but then he had second thoughts. All of those memories of the past being thrown out into the open at once, he didn't know who would find it harder to cope with; him or her.

He had almost closed the door when he heard a voice from inside the room "Wait!" the little boy said nervously, "I want Elena to come and say goodnight to me as well" he finished. Stefan sighed, having no idea how to explain something like this to him. "Elena can't come and see you right now, she's – she's not feeling well, but she will come and see you in the morning I promise." Stefan replied, hoping that Tommy would accept the compromise.

"Well if I don't see Elena, I won't be able to sleep." he stated, sitting up in the bed and crossing his arms, it was obvious Stefan wasn't going to win this one. "Okay, I will ask her to come and see you but then you go straight to sleep right?" he said, he watched as Tommy nodded in agreement, pleased he had got what he wanted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elena didn't realise how long she had been sitting there, a couple of hours, maybe more. Still thinking everything over in her head, figuring out whether she should pack her bags now or later because she was sure, after Stefan found out, he wouldn't want her.

Her train of thought was broken, when she heard a soft knock at the door and as she turned around, watched it creek open slightly. Then she saw Stefan, which automatically put a smile on her face, trying to hide her sadness.

"Sorry, Tommy wanted to see you before he went to sleep, I did try to explain that you would see him tomorrow, but, you know what he's like when he wants something." he said smiling. "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot, you have been with him all afternoon, I just, I guess I lost track of time." she said apologetically

"No worries, but I would hurry up, you know, Tommy is getting pretty impatient." he replied, and then he watched Elena get up and walk over towards the door and he followed her down the hallway to Tommy's room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He watched Elena talk to Tommy for a few minutes, standing in the doorway making sure he would be able to talk to Elena afterwards. "Goodnight" he heard Elena say, and saw her make her way over to where he was standing, then they both exited the room and closed the door behind them, both apprehensive about what was to come next.

"I need to talk to you." was all she said, and he locked eyes with her, knowing that this was going to be difficult for them both, giving her a reassuring smile he nodded following her, as she walked towards their room, somewhere they could talk, in private.

_**A/N: Okay please don't hate me for the cliff hanger but I wanted to keep it interesting, I was planning on updating a couple of days ago but I only just wrote the last part now, not really knowing how to end it. So please review and tell me what you think, I try and include all of your suggestions in the chapters (if possible) **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: So omg please nobody hate me for not updating this week, I had some really bad things going on this week and so writing couldn't take priority, so this is another reason that the chapter is so short, also I had one of my English exams today which I also had to prepare for which took up a lot of time! There will be another longer update a lot sooner so please review and give me you views! Enjoy **_

He followed her all the way down the hallway in silence; he didn't want to push her into anything so decided it would be best if he kept quite through most of this. He had a pretty good idea that whatever was about to be said, it was never going to be something good, but secretly he hoped it wasn't something awful, because he couldn't cope with the thought of her keeping something from him that she felt, he would judge her for.

To tell the truth, he never thought he could be disappointed in Elena, whatever she told him, he believed he could accept, because she was such a genuine, kind and caring person, nothing she told him would ever change his opinion on her.

He walked behind her into their room and closed the door, ensuring they would have complete privacy. He watched as she turned around at sat down quietly in one of the two chairs by the fireplace, he did the same and sat in the other chair, directly opposite her. Making undeviating eye contact with her, he grabbed hold onto one of her hands, squeezing it into his, as if to tell her that everything was okay and that there was no reason to be scared.

But that didn't stop the worried look that was painted across her pale face as she stared down at her hand in his.

She didn't know where to start; he was prepared to listen and now was her chance at telling him the truth, because she owed him that and that was exactly what she was going to do; tell him the truth.

She took a long breath in and then exhaled deeply, to calm herself and prepare for the events that were about to take place. She didn't remove her eyes from their hands that were interlinked; only when she was about to speak did he interrupt her and she looked up into his deep green eyes.

This was his chance, before she said anything; he needed to tell her how much he still cared, no matter what happened.

"Before you say anything, I just want you to know, that whatever you tell me now, will not change how much that I care about you, because I know whatever this is, we can make our way through it and I will wait as long as it takes to get back to the way we were before, because I love you and nothing will ever change that Elena, I promise." he said sincerely

She was glad he told her that, somehow him saying the words she so desperately wanted to hear, made everything a little but better than it was. She wanted them to get through this, however hard it was going to be, she knew, their love was something worth fighting for and she knew they would both be prepared to wait as long as it takes them to overcome this.

"It was before I met you, when I was a lot younger, I was naïve and stupid. I didn't really know what love was. I had ideas but I had never really been loved properly before so I guess I didn't really know what I was getting myself into, it was my fault.

I met him not long after my parent's accident, at that time, I was still broken, I didn't want to talk to anyone and my whole world had just been turned upside down; it felt like anyone who I had ever loved had been torn away from me.

I had nobody to give my love to and nobody to love me back, I couldn't talk to anyone about how I really felt and I suppose I was hanging onto the hope that one day, someone perfect will just walk into my life and make everything better again. I waited for anyone to show that they cared about me or how I felt, someone I could talk to about everything.

When I met him, he seemed perfect; to me he was everything I ever dreamed about in a person and more. I never imagined in a million years that he would actually like me back, I guess that's where I just stopped thinking about everything; I was so lost in the fact that someone actually wanted me; I was too happy to worry about anything serious.

As time went on, we started spending more and more time together. I told him about the accident and how broken I felt, like nothing would ever be normal again. That was where I made my mistakes; I hadn't been able to tell someone about myself in such a long time, as soon as I had the chance, I told him too many things, way too early in the relationship.

After telling him all of these things, I showed him how weak I still was, even with his love, my life was never complete. He knew that us being in a relationship was keeping me together, his love stopped me from giving up hope entirely and he liked the power he had over me – over the relationship.

I never can pin point the time when we fell in love really, I guess maybe it never happened and that I was just fooling myself, but the guilt I held from my parents death, I still carried with me and when I spent time with him, I used to forget about how bad I felt and actually started to enjoy life.

Looking back at me and him, I know the relationship wasn't perfect, far from it in fact but at the time, he made me feel something, I hadn't felt in months and I owe it to him for helping me realise that some things happen for a reason, even if they are bad." she paused, she didn't even want to look at Stefan, after telling him all of this, surely he wouldn't even want to look at her either, she hadn't failed to notice throughout the whole time she was talking to him, he never let go of her hand. He just sat and listened to everything she had to say.

She glanced up at him, his face was blank, with no expression, he just stared at her, he wasn't angry or upset just… shocked. He nodded at her as if to tell her to continue, knowing that this wasn't the full story.

"After about a year of us being together, I had lost touch with pretty much everyone, I moved away with him and I rarely spoke to my brother or any of my old friends from high school. He was pretty much the only constant person I had in my life, but I didn't mind, I loved him and I was prepared to sacrifice pretty much anything for him.

One night he took me out to a beautiful restaurant, it was a complete surprise and he proposed in front of a room full of people. I had never felt so happy before in my life and I agreed.

Even though I was young, I decided that he was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and at the time; it seemed like a sensible decision.

After that, we carried on living our lives as normal and nothing much changed, we booked a date for the wedding a year later, making sure we had plenty of time to save up some money." she paused again, clearly whatever she was about to tell him was something important and as much as she was going to find it hard to tell him; he knew he was going to find it hard to hear.

"I hadn't slept with him at all before we got engaged; I wanted to make sure he was the person I intended to spend my life with. But on the night he proposed, I decided it was unfair to make him wait much longer after he had been so patient, I thought he was the one and I knew that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me; I didn't think anything would change…

But I was wrong, after that night he started treating me differently. Almost as if I didn't have feelings he just treated me like I was an object one of which that meant nothing to him." she stopped, feeling tears gathering in her eyes, remembering how he stopped caring, how he stopped loving, remembering how alone she felt.

She gripped onto Stefan's hand, which was still interlinked with her own, holding onto him for support. She glanced up at him, removing her gaze from the floor. He looked at her sympathetically and for a moment she thought he could cry as well. He shook his head in disbelief, having no idea how badly hurt she had really been.

He wanted to ask so many more questions, about why did she still marry him or did he start treating her better eventually, but he thought he knew the answer to that one himself.

He was angry: fuming in fact, even thinking about someone treating Elena badly made his skin crawl, he couldn't put into words exactly how much it hurt him, but whenever someone hurt Elena; it felt as if they hurt him too. The worst was, this was something he couldn't protect her from; whenever she was scared about something, vowed to himself to never let her be scared about that thing again because it was his duty to protect her and anytime that she didn't feel safe or was worried, he blamed himself.

She could see he was angry, but she was too scared to say anything, she didn't know if he was angry at her, or the situation or both. She could feel her tears, slowly travelling down her face, with one or two landing onto their hands, which she was sure he noticed. But he didn't say anything, not even a word; he was just staring at her blankly. She thought she should tell him the rest, about how alone she used to feel, how much everything hurt, but she didn't want him to feel sorry for her, she didn't want to look like she was begging for sympathy, that's the last thing she wanted.

She attempted to begin speaking again, but he stopped her "Elena," he began "please don't say anything else." his voice solemn and comforting, he looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." she said in a whisper trying not to choke on her words.

"I understand why, I didn't tell you everything about myself either" he told her truthfully, he knew he couldn't tell her everything now, but it was a start, a warning, to let her know that things weren't as simple as she first thought. "Before we met, I told you I hadn't had many serious girlfriends. That wasn't exactly true, there was a girl I had been with for a long time and like you, we realised that when things got more serious, we weren't meant to be and I hope one day, you give me the chance to explain why. But what we are doing here – now, it's not right. We have done everything wrong." he finished.

And there, that right then was when she swore her heart stopped beating. Did he just break up with her? Was it all over, had the truth just ruined everything for her again?

"I think we should start over, a clean page." he began, when she caught onto what he was trying to say, she didn't feel so broken, she knew he was right. "This time, we can do everything properly, we both have secrets and I know that we both need to know about them if we want this to work. But I think right now, neither of us is in a place to hear something like this and I know that lies are no base to build a relationship, so I think that we should get to know each other again, show who we really are… then perhaps if you wanted to, you can me the rest of your secrets." he trailed off, looking up at her. She hadn't said anything and he wondered if she hated him for not mentioning how serious things had gotten with his ex.

It took her a few minutes to process what he had just said, the fact he didn't hate her. He wanted to fight for the love that they had and wanted to start again. She knew she couldn't say no now. This was her chance to make everything right again, anything she had ever done wrong when it came to him – them, now was her chance to make it right.

"Okay," she whispered quietly "I think that's what we both need right now, and I like that idea" her lips curving into a small smile. Something he hadn't seen in a while, something he missed and as if by magic, he smiled too, because now he knew that she wanted things to work out as much as he did.

He stood up and pulled slightly on her hand, motioning for her to stand as well. He leaned in close and rested the side of his head against hers, whispering into her ear "Elena Gilbert, will you go out with me?" he whispered, smiling, this was how they were doing things now. From the beginning.

_**A/N: I would love to hear how you want Stefan and Elena's relationship go from here because I have my ideas but I just want to write about things everyone else wants to hear about so please let me know in your reviews, I read every single one and they all make me smile! If there were spelling mistakes I apologise I wrote this quickly! **_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Can I just say how sorry I am for not updating recently, my sister has been in hospital and obviously finding time to write has been difficult because I am so worried at the moment and please do not be disappointed with this update, I know not much happens but I had to write something in between.**_

She tried to keep herself from smiling, but with Stefan this close to her – she decided it was impossible not to be happy. She hadn't even answered his question and to be honest, she had no idea what to say. She tried to think of what the old Elena would have said, but it had been so long since she had the chance to be that girl she couldn't even remember who she really was.

"I don't know Mr Salvatore – I barely know you yet" she whispered back into his ear.

Feeling her warm breath on his ear only made him want her even more.

"and from what I've heard, you're a bit of a flirt." she added, trying to hold back her laughter as she watched his facial expression change from looking awfully pleased with himself, to completely shocked that she would even accuse him of that. He glared at her playfully, now he too, was also trying not to laugh.

"Well Miss Gilbert, I'd say you ought to give me the chance to change your opinion." he said quietly, so silent she had to listen carefully to make out what he had said.

They were starting from the beginning, and he was convinced he had her under his control already. She smiled once again knowing the fact he wasn't going to get his way was definitely not going to please him. She let go of his hand after what seemed like an eternity and leaned close towards to him, although the only contact she had with him now was her hand that pressed firmly against his chest for her balance, as she stood on her tiptoes and whispered into his ear.

"Well, I'm not quite convinced you see." she said playfully, she knew that this was going to torture him, but this was her way of showing him who she really was. The girl who didn't care about what other people thought, she could have a good time and make the most of life. That wasn't the girl who Stefan fell in love with, but even she was pretty sure that he would like the real Elena better.

"I'm sorry Mr Salvatore, I think your going to have to try a little harder to persuade me." she said a little louder, stepping away from him, smiling as she watched a confused look wash over his face.

He was speechless, he couldn't believe it. He watched as she began to walk out of the room, with a conceited grin plastered across her face. He didn't fail to notice the way she dragged her fingertips across his chest as she strolled away, god he didn't even think they would be talking after that conversation, now he wanted her more than ever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They had been talking for a while, before she had left, and her decision to sleep across the hallway was probably the right one, he didn't think he could stand to stay in that room again. It was bare, it had none of their memories, although him being alone in their room wasn't much better, he didn't feel quite so alone. Almost as if a part of Elena was there with him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elena opened the door to the spare bedroom. She glanced around taking in her surroundings, knowing if she was going to torture Stefan like this, she might be staying in here for a while.

It was weird, she didn't realise how much her past affected her life. To her, hiding it meant it was forgotten, even though she knew better than that. But now, telling Stefan, seemed like the best decision of her life, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and that now she really had moved on.

She couldn't believe how late it was; her and Stefan and had been talking for much longer than she thought. She cursed herself for not taking any of her clothes into that room with her; Stefan was surely going to be pleased about that.

She could go and get them tomorrow though; she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of her begging him to let her back into their room at this time. He could live without seeing her until tomorrow.

Meanwhile her main priority was going to sleep, today had seemed to last forever and running around after Tommy definitely made her that little bit more exhausted. She had to say she felt a little sorry for Stefan, at least she had a break to rest this afternoon. She wondered if he could get any more perfect and she knew, whatever happened with his ex he would still be perfect, because that was just the type of person he was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He wondered how long it would take for her to come crawling back in here. He had noticed that all of her clothes were still in here and since he was the one that stayed across the hall last night, she hadn't already taken any clothes with her.

He was going to stay up a little and see if she would try and sneak in their without him noticing but he didn't realise how tired he was either. He only did one last thing before he went to bed, and that was to write Elena a note; he put it underneath the door of the spare room so when she woke up the next morning she would see it straight away.

Pleased with himself, he went to bed, knowing he was going to have to think of something that would convince Elena to let him take her out, because honestly he didn't know if he could live without kissing her again for so long.

He had no idea what he was going to do next, but that was kind of fun. Not knowing what was going to happen – he didn't even realise until now how much he missed not having to be serious all the time until he got the opportunity once again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elena woke up quite late the next morning; she was pretty sure she would have slept a little longer if it wasn't for the racket that was coming from downstairs. Clearly Tommy had got up not that long ago, and decided to wake the rest of the house up with him too.

Last night she had ended up sleeping in one of Stefan's old t-shirts, so decided when she went back into their room to get dressed, that she would take a few more outfits across the hall with her while she was there. She walked over to the door quietly, hoping nobody downstairs would hear; the last thing she wanted was Damon walking into her when she only had a t-shirt on. She wouldn't normally care but Damon being Damon would obviously love to embarrass her, purely because of the fact that this particular shirt, barely even reached her knees.

She stopped, as she was about to open the door she noticed a piece of paper lying on the ground wedged in between the bottom of the door and the floor boards.

It was probably one of Tommy's drawings, well if you could call them that; to Elena they looked more like crayons had just attacked a piece of paper. Even though she insisted on keeping every single one because however bad they were, it was still adorable. In a way she was kind of glad it was only Stefan that were normally in the house, it got unbelievably cluttered when Tommy stayed over – toys that at the beginning of the weekend had started off in his room mostly ended up all over the living room floor and both Stefan and Elena had stepped on lego bricks, that had been left lying around, countless number of times. This needless to say, seemed to hurt more each time it happened.

Yeah, she probably took all this time with Stefan she had alone, for granted.

As she unfolded the piece of paper, she noticed it wasn't anything from Tommy, to her surprise it was a note from Stefan. She scanned her eyes over his neat writing – the note read.

_To Elena,_

_Will you go out with me?_

_Yes_

_No_

_Maybe_

_p.s The clothes that are still on the floor in my room may or may not belong to you. They might serve a better purpose if you actually put them on, although I don't think it would be a problem if you took them off either!_

_From…_

Wow. He was still as desperate as ever, although she had to give him points for effort, and it was kind of cute. She can't remember the last time he had done something like this. It made her feel special, it was just another way of him showing her that he loved her and that he wasn't like her ex, that she can trust him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stefan heard someone walking around upstairs, it had to be Elena seeing as Damon and Tommy were still downstairs in the living room. He wondered if she would try sneaking into their room to get some clothes before he noticed, so he wandered upstairs quietly hoping she wouldn't realise he was there.

Stefan just turned the corner from the top of the stairs when he saw Elena tiptoeing out of her room; he continued to walk towards her, just as silently.

She turned around and shut the door just as quietly as she had walked out, hoping they were still occupied downstairs while she went to get some clothes. Her and Stefan's room was only across the corridor so she was sure that she would be safe for now.

Just as she turned her back to the door of the spare room she jumped back in shock. Stefan was standing there, right in front of her, with his arms crossed with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Going somewhere were we Elena?" he asked curiously, still smiling as he acknowledged the piece of paper in her hands, good. She had got his note.

"Well I thought I might go and get some of the clothes from our room that seem to be such a problem." she countered waving the note, clearly referring to the second part.

"If you read it properly, I did state that I don't mind if you take them off either." he told her, not failing to notice that she had only got on one of his t-shirts. He smiled, a genuine smile, something that he had only started doing again since their conversation yesterday.

"Somehow I don't think it is appropriate to be walking around in this." she said waving her hands at the t-shirt she was wearing, barely reaching her knees.

"Well perhaps we could make a deal then." he said, smirking at his own brilliant idea. "You can have some of your clothes back – on one condition."

She started at him in awe; she couldn't believe he was trying to make a deal with her, when he knew Damon could walk up the stairs any minute now and see her dressed like this: Mortifying. "Really Stefan?" she asked, slightly worried about what this 'condition' may be.

He nodded yes; still smiling at how anxious she looked standing there in front of him. "If you go out with me tonight you can have some of your clothes back." he stated.

"And if I don't." she countered, staring at him disapprovingly because he knew now that he had the edge.

"Well then I guess your going to be pretty cold in that t-shirt" he said laughing. Great, now she practically had to agree, she really wasn't in the mood for Damon to be gawking at her in a s-shirt.

"Fine, but just so you know, I intend to get _all _of my clothes back." she replied, not really knowing what to do next.

She just walked straight past Stefan heading for their room, knowing full well he had turned around to watch her walk away. One thing that she found strange from their conversation just now was that even though Stefan had been trying so hard to try and annoy her, it made her smile even more and she was secretly looking forward to going out with him tonight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once she had finally made it to their room, she took one or two outfits that she would be able to wear for the next couple of days. She couldn't believe the weekend was nearly over. She hadn't gotten to spend that much time with Tommy at all, partly because she was so wrapped up in her own problems she had almost forgotten he was there.

It was still raining when she went downstairs for breakfast, only to find Stefan, Tommy and Damon, sitting together laughing, something she had never really seen before. Even though Tommy was leaving today, he seemed unusually happy; he hated it when he had to go home. Caroline was stopping by this afternoon to pick him up; surely the stroppy two-year old behaviour could hold off until then, it probably wouldn't be too fun being stuck in the house with a screaming child.

"Look who finally showed up." Damon began sarcastically, clearly back to his normal obnoxious self. He and Stefan must have spoken about how the conversation went last night.

"Don't push it Damon, today I woke up in a mood where tolerating you didn't seem like such a ridiculous thing, so don't make me change my mind." she replied proudly, deciding to leave out a few 'choice' words, seeing as Tommy was listening. Caroline would not be pleased, if he began repeating such things.

"Ooh feisty, I like it!" he said whilst winking at her, that was sure to wind her up.

He ducked just in time as a piece of toast – that was on the plate, on the counter – came flying towards him from Elena's direction. He sat up straight in his chair, looking rather,,, shocked. He looked towards Elena who was smiling arrogantly, and then he looked at Stefan for a little back up on this one. Unfortunately for Damon, he just shrugged, whilst trying to stop himself from laughing. Unlike Tommy, who found the scenario beyond hilarious, with his laughter echoing through the kitchen, then joined by Stefan and Elena who were still staring at Damon's annoyed face, finding it almost as amusing as the little boy.

"Ugh, you lot are all so weird." Damon concluded as he walked out of the kitchen, clearly finished with being laughed at.

Stefan also got up from the table, but walked around the other side of the counter to join Elena, who was happily watching Tommy sitting contently, staring out of the window, at the rainy weather, and simply talking to himself. Something Stefan noticed he seemed to do quite a lot, although never making much sense at all.

Elena was the one to say something to him first, bringing him back from his thoughts about this evening.

"Let me occupy him for the rest of today, you looked after him all of last night, and I didn't get chance to say thank you earlier. So maybe you can get some work done in the meantime." she said sincerely.

"Work, really? I'm going to be preparing for my hot date later and oh I'm sure you can thank me properly later!" he replied, laughing at her reaction.

"Oh your 'hot date' am I now?" she said, using his words.

"Well, if you take it that way, I mean I have my hot date and then I have to see this other girl after, you know?" he replied sarcastically, preparing himself for a piece of toast to come flying in his direction, similar to Damon.

"Oh well this other girl sounds way cooler to me" she said playing along with his game. "And now I definitely won't be 'thanking you later now!" she replied sarcastically using his own words once again.

"We will see about that!" he shouted back at her as he walked out of the kitchen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That afternoon Elena read Tommy five or six different books about a hundred times each, every time insisting that was the last. But she still felt back for not reading to him last night, so she figured she had to make it up somehow.

Caroline called to say she would pick Tommy up about 4:30 that day and when it got to 4 O'clock, Elena decided it would probably be a good idea to start getting ready for this evening, because although the rain had begun to hold off, it was probably going to be extremely cold, and considering she had no idea what they would be doing, she was not going to take a chance and wear something stupid.

She decided that Stefan could watch Tommy for half an hour. When he asked why her excuse was that he didn't appreciate how much effort goes into looking good. She wasn't prepared to argue about it so he thought it would be best to agree with her.

Stefan took Tommy into the office where he finished off some of his work whilst Tommy coloured in various pictures and also managed to write over a number of important pieces of paper, which were definitely not so important anymore. All of Tommy's clothes were packed in his suitcase (which he insisted on bringing ever time he stayed) and Stefan was counting down the minutes until he and Elena would be properly alone, for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Damon said as soon as Tommy had been picked up, Stefan had told him that he and Elena were going out this evening, hoping he would get the idea they wanted to be alone, more importantly, without Damon hanging around making snarky comments every other word.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Damon was sitting alone downstairs, he could hear Tommy and Stefan talking upstairs knowing Elena had gone to get ready. He couldn't say that he was surprised that she and Stefan were trying to make things work. He wasn't the type of person to give up, especially on Elena; sometimes he wished he could be more like that himself.

Looking around he found it odd, Stefan and Elena seemed to have everything and they probably didn't even realise it, that child adored them both and they both knew exactly what to do, how to look after him and pretty much everything. It worried him that they both knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives – who they would spend it with. He still had no idea and he knew if he carried on the way he did, probably nothing would change.

He heard a knock at the door, it was only just after four and Stefan had said that Caroline was never early so he wondered who it was. Damon had never met Caroline before, but from what Stefan and Elena had said, she seemed like a nice enough person although someone that his brother was friends with normally wasn't someone who got on with him as well.

He went to answer the door anyway, only to find a tall blonde woman standing behind it. Never before had Damon bee so shocked, well he definitely wasn't expecting that, normally the people that came to visit the house were all of Stefan's work 'friends' who were extremely boring to Damon. Whoever this was, she was certainly beautiful and that wasn't something he thought about people often, sure there would be someone who was good looking but she was different, it was like he was dreaming. As if by coincidence just thinking about spending his future with someone and then as if by magic she just appears.

He was snapped out of his trance suddenly when he was barged out of the way by Tommy. No this could not be Caroline! Seriously, the magic just seemed to disappear as quickly as he had found it.

He was stunned, and he just stood back and watched in awe as Stefan and Elena said their goodbyes.

"That was Caroline?" he asked in disbelief still finding the whole situation unbelievable.

_**A/N: SO I hoped this chapter wasn't too disappointing, once again I am sorry but I have spent most of my time at the hospital! please review and I promise I will update soon!**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: So thank you to everyone for being so patient with me taking so long to update, and also thank you to everyone asking about my sister, the good news is she is home now which is one of the reasons it has taken me so long to write this update, but I hope you all like it! Quite a lot happens and it is the longest update yet because I felt so bad about taking so long to write it! So please review and tell me what you think, I read every single one and they all help!**_

Damon had left shortly after Tommy, still shocked about the whole 'Caroline' situation. Demanding why he had never been introduced to her before, explaining that someone that 'hot' shouldn't be kept a secret. Stefan had to laugh at his brother, when it came to girls he really was rather shallow, to Damon, looks were most important and sure Caroline was pretty but, she didn't need someone like Damon in her life.

Elena and Stefan both knew why Caroline stayed away from guys; firstly, it was unfair to Tommy not knowing who his father was, really confused him and of course if Caroline began dating other guys, that would really be unfair. Secondly, she didn't want to get attached to anyone who could walk out of her life any minute. She learned that the hard way with Tommy's father. She vowed to herself not to be so stupid the next time, to get so caught up with her relationship she forgot to think about herself. She would never regret having Tommy because honestly he was probably the best thing that had ever happened to her, in her entire life.

The only thing she regretted was the circumstances in which it happened, because there was nothing more she wanted than for Tommy to have a father and although he had never directly said it, she could tell there was times where he saw other children with two parents and he wondered why he only had one. She knew herself one day that Stefan and Elena would have kids and what would he think then, because she was pretty sure Stefan would never leave Elena, so then he would ask questions about why he doesn't have two parents like Stefan and Elena's kids. She knew it was only a matter of time before things like that started to happen more, until he knew the truth.

That's why it wasn't fair for her to date guys and think about herself when, in her opinion, she had already been selfish enough by not giving Tommy a proper father and she didn't want to fail him anymore than she already had done.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stefan was waiting for Elena patiently at the bottom of the stairs, he had told her to wear something nice, so he was looking forward to seeing what she would choose. Normally she would always ask him what he thinks, maybe because she was worried that he wouldn't like her if she wore certain things. He thought to himself, maybe that was what her ex had done, getting angry at her just for wearing something he didn't approve of.

That scared him, not knowing all of the bad things that this man had done to her, how much he had hurt her emotionally and perhaps physically too – there was a time when he thought that there was nothing worse than that guy saying bad stuff to Elena, treating her like nothing. The thought never crossed his mind that he could have hurt her physically too, he didn't think anyone could be capable of doing that to anyone – let alone Elena but he knew that not everyone out there had a good heart.

He didn't realise how lost he had gotten in his own thoughts until he heard the sound of high heels clunking down the stairs, just as he was about to turn around he felt a pair of hands reach around to cover his eyes from behind him. He could feel her lean in closer towards him, her face only inches from his ear.

"Guess who?" she whispered softly into his ear, smiling as she did so, looking forward to spending the evening together.

"Hmm, I'm not sure, I hope it's Caroline, I haven't had chance to catch up with her in ages. Especially seeing as I had to say goodbye early today because I had to get ready to go out with this girl." he said jokingly, wondering what smart comment she would have for this reply.

"What!" she said as she removed her hands from his eyes and walked around to stand directly in front of him. "Well I'm sure you wouldn't take Caroline on a date now would you?" she added, quite proud that he seemed surprised with her reply.

"Well I don't know, I suppose it depends on how much she begged." he replied laughing at his own joke and Elena's face that turned from looking pretty proud of herself, to completely shocked and surprised.

"Eww, now that is weird, Caroline is like a sister." she screeched at him, smacking him on the arm playfully with her purse, followed by him laughing uncontrollably at her reaction.

"Oh, hurry up Romeo and tell me where we are going." she added impatiently trying not to sound too desperate to know about their date.

"Well now, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise would it? Besides, that would be way too convenient for you." he replied smartly.

"May I?" he asked, holding out his hand, indicating her to take it, so he could lead the way out of the house.

She took his hand and happily followed him out of the front door where he then helped her into the car.

After a few minutes of driving he knew Elena was growing impatient for not knowing anything. Although he knew she would prefer it if everything was a surprise, although the last surprise he had planned for her didn't exactly go to plan; this time he was more confident. He was taking her to a little restaurant, right on the edge of town, nobody really knew it was there, except for the occasional visitors who happened to come across it accidently.

The rain had lain off for a while so the drive was a little better than he had hoped for, although he had a feeling it would begin to rain again later, needless to say, he had not planned anything outside for their date. The drive there would normally take a while, especially going through the town, with all of the rush hour traffic, he didn't want to be late. Normally it wouldn't have been a problem, but Elena took so long to get ready he had to go along the country roads which were closer to access from the boarding house, but normally took twice as long. Today however he decided the traffic would be so busy there was no point even attempting to go through the town and he thought Elena might appreciate the quieter journey.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A comfortable silence had fallen upon them as soon as they had begun driving; Elena was staring out of the window at the many trees they passed, wondering where they were going and how much longer it would take. She hadn't really been paying attention for a while when suddenly she noticed the car came to a stop, but when she looked out of the window they were just surrounded by trees, no buildings or other cars anywhere in sight. She looked at Stefan for some sort of explanation but he just looked extremely confused as to why the car had come to a stop.

"Oh no, please not now." he said still staring ahead of him, as if he was actually talking to the car.

"What?" Elena asked curiously, still confused as to why they had stopped in the middle of nowhere.

"The car wont start." he replied hopelessly, looking at her apologetically, as if it were his fault. He had such big plans for this evening and they were about to be ruined, just because of their stupid car.

Elena stared at him blankly, knowing he was waiting for her reaction. Then she just smiled, laughing at how worried he looked. When he finally smiled back, knowing that she wasn't really bothered about the fact they were going to be very, very late for their dinner.

"I don't mind, tonight wasn't about us going out anywhere, it was about being able to spend time together, like our first date. When we barely knew anything about each other, where the best conversations we had was finding out all of the things that nobody else knew. Turns out, neither of us were that honest." she said laughing a little, sounding slightly regretful that she was never that honest with him.

"Well what are we going to do instead? I checked my phone and I have no service out here, so there's no way I can call anyone to come and help?" he asked, hoping she would have some smart idea, because right now, he had no idea what to do.

"Well for starters, I don't think it's a good idea if you try and fix the car, because we all know how that could end up." she said smirking, recalling the last time the car had broken down and at Stefan's miserable attempt to try and restart it. "and I think we should make the most of the opportunity that we have, I mean it's a nice quite place, I think that we should go for a walk and get to know each other, the real us this time." she finished, sounding hopeful that he would like the idea, because as much as she wanted them to stay as they are for the moment, she knew that at one point, they needed to know more about each other. All of the important details they had decided not to include in their first conversation, these were the things they needed to talk about now.

"I like that idea." he replied enthusiastically, smiling in her direction. He watched as she got out of the car, and he followed willingly as they took a stroll through the woods slowly. The sun was almost set by now and he knew by the time they got back it would be dark, so Stefan decided he should probably start talking quickly before they ended up getting lost in the dark just waiting for one of them to say something.

"Why did you never tell me about her?" Elena began promptly.

Stefan was slightly taken back by her eager yet vague question; however he still knew what she was referring to. The fact he had never mentioned Katherine almost instantly indicated the fact that they had more than just a simple relationship and that there was something more there.

"Well, I guess that the awkward ex conversation wasn't as important as I thought it was." he answered vaguely, knowing that in a minute she would want to know more.

"But honestly, I never thought I would fall in love again after everything I went through with her, but you proved me wrong." he added sincerely, hoping that they wouldn't have to go through the details just yet, as he wanted to know why she didn't tell him about her ex either.

"Really?" she asked in surprise, not expecting him to say something that deep, perhaps his past was more complicated than she first thought, to say that he would never fall in love again, she was sure that something must have really hurt him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about him?" Stefan asked her politely, repeating her own question. Not really knowing what she would answer to this, Stefan was slightly apprehensive.

"I thought you wouldn't be interested in me if you knew how complicated everything was, normally guys don't really want the stupid, emotional girlfriend, just some normal person, like them. Like the type of girl who would just say yes when they proposed." she trailed off, staring down at the ground in shame, she still couldn't describe how much she hated herself for that.

There was silence for a moment then she noticed that Stefan had hold of her hand, like he had done the other day when she was crying and just the fact she knew he was there for her, made everything seem a little better than it was.

"I don't want some normal girl, I want you, and you're perfect." he replied softly, whilst looking into her eyes, he was being honest and she could tell.

"It doesn't matter that you didn't say yes right now, because otherwise we wouldn't be here right now, we would be engaged to the people we thought we were – the people we pretended to be. Now we're going to do this properly because we owe each other that." he added, still holding on tightly to her hand that was resting in his.

She nodded in agreement, knowing everything he had just told her was right and that it would be stupid for them to carry on lying to each other, pretending their past was perfect, when really they should know the truth.

"I think we are going to get through this." she said confidently and for once, she got the feeling that everything was going to be okay and that she didn't have to worry about anything ever again, because she had Stefan.

"It will take a while, but I know at the end of the day, I want to be with you forever and I will do as much as it takes for that to happen." he added, smiling at her briefly before looking up at the sky.

"Oh no." he said thinking that this was the worst thing to happen while they were in the middle of the forest, pretty much lost.

"What?" she asked, smiling at how dramatic he was being, that was until she felt a cool, drop of rain land on her arm and run down to her fingertips. As she watched the one drop of rain run along her skin, she looked at Stefan, her eyes wide with anticipation and realisation knowing they had no chance of getting back to the car before it began to rain properly. He was looking at her exactly the same, but looking suspiciously pleased with himself.

"What?" she said again, this time questioning why he looked so happy.

"Well those shoes aren't exactly the best for running." he replied, pointing at the high heels she was wearing with his gaze. Then looking up to chance a glance at her expression – which needless to say was shocked at what he was suggesting.

"Running!" she almost screeched, her eyes almost popping out of her head. "Well you can stand there and get soaked if you want, but I'm not going to stand here as well." he replied, laughing once again at her expression.

"Well, this date isn't over, so you can't leave me alone yet!" she concluded, crossing her arms for effect. "In fact, I don't think its even started." she added, staring at him as the rain began to fall a little faster than it had before.

"You were the one who said –"he started, realising it was pointless to try and finish his sentence, and that arguing in the rain was probably the worst first date ever.

He then watched as she took off her shoes stepping onto the damp ground below, he met her with a confused look, completely in awe of what she was about to do.

"Well then Mr Salvatore, you will just have to chase me!" she said finally, grabbing her shoes and running backwards in the direction that they had been walking away from. It wasn't really running, just sort of aimlessly walking, and just a little faster than normal. But it was something different, she couldn't remember the last time they had been like this, where they didn't have to worry about anything but right there, in that moment, making the most of everything they had.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eventually, they made it back to the car, although they definitely wouldn't be taking a walk in the woods again anytime soon. The rain was pouring heavily, and they could barely hear each others laughter over the sound of the water hitting the ground.

Elena's makeup had run all down her face and her hair was soaked through, although that didn't matter, because she looked as beautiful as ever, with the smile that lit up her face. A smile that reflected how happy she felt, a smile that said 'everything is okay' that was a look that Stefan had never seen before, when she was truly happy.

"Unlock the car Stefan!" she shouted, still laughing. "What are you talking about? You have the keys!" he shouted back, looking confused as to why she wasn't already in the car.

"I thought you had them!" she replied, wondering if she had really had the keys and lost them when she was running back to the car, it was a possibility, but surely they couldn't be this unlucky. To break down was one thing and then to be locked out of the car in the pouring rain, was becoming ridiculous.

"This is the worst first date ever!" he shouted back, laughing about how stupidly unlucky they had become. "Maybe you should have taken Caroline instead." she replied sarcastically, using his own words from earlier.

"No, if I was with Caroline, I wouldn't have been able to do this." he replied vaguely, watching her face turn from confidence to confusion, for the second time this evening. He walked around to her side of the car, where she was standing, freezing in the rain. He held out his hand, gesturing her to take it. She did eagerly, to see what he was planning.

"Will you dance with me?" he asked, bringing his face close to hers, one so she could hear him and two because he missed being able to be close to her, like they should be in the restaurant now. Or even on the way home, he had completely lost track of time but he couldn't care less, as long as he was with Elena, he could have stayed there forever in the pouring rain.

"What." she questioned in disbelief, this evening was definitely different to how she had planned in her head.

"You heard me, I said will you dance with me!" he replied, looking happier than she had seen him in a long time, in fact, she even asked herself if she had seen him this happy before. The only time she could remember, was when they first looked after Tommy, because honestly she had never seen him as happy as he was when they were both with that little boy. It was amazing what an affect one small person could have on both her and Stefan's lives.

"Only because you're cute when you smile like that and I would hate to watch you dance without me, because that would probably ruin our date." she said smiling.

They both seemed oblivious to the rain that was still falling continuously, although their clothes were drenched, they still didn't seem to notice. They danced uncoordinated, as Elena tried to stay balanced on her pair of shoes that were more like stilts, which were **definitely** not designed for walking, let alone dancing. However it was becoming increasingly more difficult as the ground underneath seemed to occasionally slip away. She didn't know if that was because it was still raining, or being this close to Stefan, because the combination of both had seemed to weaken her legs, she gripped onto his shoulders as she felt she could barely stand alone anymore.

"I really enjoyed tonight," she said sincerely, smiling up at him, whilst her head rested on his shoulder.

"Elena, you don't have to lie to me, I know this was probably the worst date you have ever been on." he replied, sounding mostly disappointed in himself for letting her down, not only that, but feeling selfish because he had really enjoyed himself, knowing that she was probably lying to make him feel better.

"No, at first, it seemed like everything was meant to go wrong, I thought that we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I realised that everything doesn't have to be bad. I enjoyed myself tonight because I was with you, and no matter where we are I will always be happy if you are by my side because that is the reason I am happy and I don't know what I would do if one day you weren't there." she told him, he understood her words had more than one meaning, not only was she talking about their date tonight, she was talking about their lives in general.

Where they were now might be a bad place, but they have the opportunity to make it better because they have each other and he wasn't going to let that opportunity slip through his fingers, because he wanted a future with Elena. He needed her.

The rain eventually subsided a little, although Elena was freezing, the long walk back to the boarding house was a little better, right by Stefan's side. Never again would she wear these heels again on a date, unless she knew exactly where she was going. They were proving to be a curse, her feet felt like she had walked about one hundred miles, she had a feeling if they didn't get back soon, Stefan would end up carrying her home, regardless of whether he wanted to or not.

They left the car parked by the side of the road and decided they would come back for it tomorrow, besides walking back wasn't such a bad idea after all. It gave them the opportunity to talk more than they would have if he had to concentrate on driving, although most of the way they comfortably strolled along the empty road, the silence was only to be broken when Elena spoke out, saying something Stefan didn't really expect, because he didn't really ask.

"He never liked it when I wore high heels." she announced abruptly.

Stefan was going to ask her why, in return to her statement but he knew that this was the beginning of her telling him something important, so perhaps just listening would be best for now.

"He said, I looked stupid, and slutty, I would stand out and that people will stare at me because I was attention seeking. He used to say I would be better off staying at home, where nobody would have to look at me." she trailed off, wondering if she had said too much, whether this conversation was too intense to be having right now.

She felt Stefan's grip tighten on her hand, probably out of anger and frustration, also to let her know that he was there, and that she didn't have to say anymore for now.

"But you never listened to those things he said? You knew that he was lying and that you shouldn't believe him, right?" Stefan asked in a worried tone, wondering how much damage this guy had caused her, not just physically but emotionally too and he knew scars like that sometimes never healed.

"At first I didn't listen, I just made up excuses for him, like he had a bad day at work, or he had a little too much to drink, but after a while, incidents like that became more frequent and I ran out of excuses for him, I ran out of things I could say to try and persuade myself that none of it was happening, or that it would never happen again. But it did and eventually our relationship turned to nothing." she paused then, just as they finally reached the boarding house. She was freezing cold and was glad to be home, after the long walk back she was kind of tired and her shoes definitely didn't make that walk any easier. She decided, that was enough of that conversation for tonight, and that maybe it could continue tomorrow, if they were ready. But it was a start; one step in the right direction.

She followed him upstairs, glad to have the house to themselves again, so they had time to focus on rebuilding their relationship without anyone getting in the way.

He didn't really know what was going to happen once they had reached their rooms, would she want to sleep in their room again, or was it too early for that? He wondered if he was just over thinking, but for once he had lost his confidence when it came to girls, after he heard how her ex had treated her, he didn't want her to feel pressured to sleep with him right away because the last thing he wanted was to take advantage of her. So he would go with whatever she wanted.

They reached the door of the spare room, where Elena had stayed last night and Stefan the night before. It was late, and they were both pretty tired.

"I really did enjoy tonight, honestly." she said once again, smiling brightly at him, by the look in her eyes, she was pretty confused as to what would happen next.

"So did I, but I think it would have been pretty awful if you weren't with me." he replied smiling back at her.

"Of course it would have been awful, you just can't live without me." she answered, jokingly. He was still standing pretty close to her and she could feel the space between them becoming smaller as he was leaning in towards her. Did he want to kiss her? She didn't even know why he was so hesitant; maybe her earlier statement about **him** had made Stefan worried about pressuring her into things that she didn't want?

Before he had the chance, she leaned forward, pressing her lips onto his. It seemed like an eternity since their last kiss, so she was determined to make sure this made up for all of the kisses she had missed out on for the past few days.

Stefan was glad she had kissed him, now he knew exactly what she wanted, but this kiss wasn't just ordinary. It seemed different, it was filled with passion and when their lips parted it felt as if they were burning from the intensity. It had felt like their first kiss all over again, and in a sense it was. Their first kiss as the couple that they truly were, not the couple they were pretending to be.

He leaned in closer to her, pushing her up against the walls; he lowered his lips to her neck, just below her ear, whispering quietly. "We haven't kissed like that in a while."

She could feel his lips brushing against her neck as he spoke, she wanted him so bad and she didn't even care that he was taking control because she trusted him and she knew now that Stefan wasn't **him**.

"We do have a number of bedrooms we can continue this in, you know, we don't have to stand in the hallway." she said, although she struggled to make out words when he was this close to her, torturing her like this.

Then he pulled away suddenly, and Elena was pretty confused, especially after seeing the grin that was plastered across his face.

"Oh I'm sorry Elena but I'm pretty tired, maybe I can take you up on that offer some other time." he replied, pretty happy that he was now in control and although he would have happily gone along with her suggestion he knew that waiting a little longer would be better for both of them, until they knew a little more.

"You're joking right? Please tell me you're joking?" she replied, now slightly frustrated she had let him take control.

"I wish I could!" he replied arrogantly, seeing that irritating grin on his face only made Elena even madder.

"Until tomorrow." he added, walking towards his door knowing how mad he had just made her.

Elena turned towards her own door, thinking it would probably be a smart idea to go to bed too. Although she was pretty mad at Stefan, she was still smiling, because she could never stay mad at him for long.

Tonight she had that feeling that everything was going to be okay and that for once, she could look forward to tomorrow.

_**A/N: So I hope you all liked this update, it was one of my favourites to write and please give me your opinion, I appreciate everything that you all say **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Okay so once again I am sorry it took so long to update, please don't hate me, I got out of hospital yesterday which is where I have been the past few days = not fun! but I'm sure you will all be pleased with this update, there is a flashback revealing Stefan's past a little more but it is VERY vague because I want to keep you all guessing!**_

Elena lay wide awake in the bed in the spare room, she was so tired but she didn't want to sleep, her brain was still buzzing from the kiss she had just shared with Stefan.

It was one of those moments in life that couldn't be explained in words, all the feelings, all the emotions that she felt during that kiss, seemed completely new to her. Sure they had kissed before and she had felt special and wanted and…loved. But this time it was completely different, this was like a first kiss, but more special, it was as if she could feel all of his emotions running through her as their lips connected, like he was sharing his soul with her. Something she had never felt before, perhaps because before, they had never truly shared things with each other, because they were scared of how the other would react, how they would be judged but she knew, that she didn't have to be scared anymore.

Thoughts like this were constantly running through her head that evening and she really couldn't stop thinking about Stefan and when she would next get to kiss him like that because really, she didn't know if she would be able to manage tonight without him, let alone a few days and although tonight she got kind of frustrated that they weren't going to finish what they had started outside her room, she knew he was making a smart decision, the only real disappointments she had about tonight, was the fact that Stefan had never brought up his ex. Elena knew nothing about her, only that her history with Stefan wasn't your average relationship. She didn't want Stefan to think she couldn't handle whatever the truth was, because honestly she was pretty sure that she couldn't hear anything worse than all of the things her ex had told her and she was stronger now than she was before, she could cope with pretty much anything he told her…that's what she thought anyway. She had been trying so hard the past few days to tell him everything he needed to hear, and felt like for all the information she was giving, she was still getting none in return.

She didn't know how long it had been, an hour or so, maybe more maybe less – when she finally let herself give into sleep, knowing that tomorrow she would get to spend another day with Stefan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He didn't know the time, he hadn't even checked the clock in the hallway when they got back, he was just running on autopilot, all he could think about was what she had told him about her ex. He knew whatever had happened between them hadn't been pretty, but he didn't know how much worse it had gotten. He didn't want to sleep, the thought of this guy fighting with Elena, saying all of those things that would hurt her, just made him feel sick, that and the combination of knowing that tomorrow he would have to tell Elena about **her**, and he really didn't want to relive all of those moments he thought he would never have to think about again.

Eventually he decided to get some sleep, that was better than nothing, and then at least he would be able to stay awake when he was talking to Elena tomorrow whether he wanted to talk about those things or not.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He didn't know what time it was. 4am perhaps? But he couldn't sleep; he had woken up about 5 times that night worrying about everything she had told him yesterday and everything he was going to tell her today.

He walked toward her room, thinking that if he walked quietly enough, he would be able to sit in there for a few hours, watching her sleep. That ought to make him feel a little better, calm his nerves maybe?

He opened the door slowly, silently and tiptoed over to the corner of the room by the fireplace. There was a single chair, in which he sat, looking over at her adoringly, watching her breathing peacefully, her body motionless, she looked so small and fragile lying in that bed alone. He should be there next to her, watching her, holding her, protecting her.

This was probably the worst idea he had ever come up with, seeing her like this, brought back a memory he definitely didn't want to remember.

How much he had cared about **her**, how much he had wanted everything to be okay, but he knew after that moment, nothing would be okay again. He remembered how from that moment on, he had stopped living, because he felt he had nothing left to live for.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Sitting in the uncomfortable chair, he sat awkwardly, emotionally and physically drained from the events of the past 24 hours. It felt like he had been waiting in that hospital corridor for days, useless and alone. There was nothing he could do to help, maybe it was his fault, and he knew he shouldn't have left her alone, not when she was this vulnerable. Now he was facing the consequences, every second seemed like a minute, every minute seemed like an hour, every hour seemed to last a day. God knows how long he had been staring at the plain wall ahead of him, hoping someone could tell him something, praying that he hadn't lost everything, that he hadn't lost her. _

_But he had been here before, on more than one occasion, each time, the guilt got worse, each time he would see her lying there, so delicate and perfect, it was magnified, the guilt would begin to eat away at him, knowing that deep down inside, he was the one that was responsible for hurting her like this again and no matter how many times she had explained she was 'okay' the guilt that he felt would never go away._

_Somehow this part of their lives seemed to be on a loop, the part where she recovered in hospital and then went home and they moved on, always seemed to be missing. Maybe the first time that was how it worked, but then it happened again, and that time, they didn't go home and although she got better, the part of their hearts that were broken, never did mend. Instead of helping each other get through it, they argued constantly, exhausting every excuse as to why it had happened again, or who was to blame and every time saying 'that was the last time' yet here they were again. He didn't know what would happen this time; the question 'how would she react?' was running through his mind. Would she be upset or angry? Would she even want to see him? All he wanted to do was to be able to see her, to hold her and regardless of their situation, tell her that everything was going to be okay, that he would help them get through this, whether he believed his own words or not. _

_The corridor in which he was sitting, was pretty much empty, he didn't know what time it was, way too early in the morning for many people to be around, normally he would want someone to be there with him, someone to talk to, someone to reassure him that everything was going to be okay. But by now, he was used to being in this corridor, sitting there alone, scared and confused because unfortunately, they had both been there, many times before._

_He instantly raised his look from the floor when he heard footsteps, coming in his direction, although he didn't stand up because he knew just as well as anyone, that this might not be good news, and whoever was about to say something to him, could explain that he couldn't see her for another amount of hours, or that she didn't want to see him, or even that this person wasn't even going to talk to him, instead just walking by. However, by now, he was holding on to any possible hope, because right now, thinking about getting good news, was better than not getting told anything at all. _

_He could feel the apprehension growing inside of him as he watched the doctor approach the chair he was sitting in. That was when he stood and looked up, awaiting whatever news he was about to receive. For a moment the young doctor didn't say a word, and Stefan looked into her eyes, for some recognition that for once they would get some good news. But nothing about her expression told Stefan that he shouldn't worry, the look upon her face just looked solemn and apologetic._

_To his surprise he managed to form a few words, however his voice was withdrawn and quiet. "Is she…" he began, only to be cut off by the doctor, who in turn, used the same tone._

"_Worse than last time" she replied, once again, using the apologetic look that doctors always used when giving the bad news, the look Stefan had now become used to._

_The surge of emotions that ran through him when hearing those words, was unbearable, no longer could he ask questions, or even think about what would happen next, only the words of the doctor, who had continued to speak, made him come back to reality from his daze of thoughts and worry._

"_You can see her, but she won't be awake yet." Stefan just nodded in agreement to this statement, knowing if he tried to ask anymore questions, he would probably just break down. _

_He followed her down another long corridor noting how white the walls were, no personality, completely blank almost as if nobody had ever been here at all. When they stopped in front of one of the many doors, which were also white, the doctor just looked up at him and smiled weakly and just as she walked away, to leave him alone with her, she said "Call me if you need anything." as if she knew that Stefan didn't need anyone else around right then, he just needed to be with her, alone._

_Even though he knew she wouldn't be awake, he was still hesitant when opening the door to the room, having to sit and watch her in all of that pain, without being able to do a thing about it, was driving the guilt inside of him crazy. As soon as he walked in, he could feel pools of tears brimming in his eyes, the sight of her lying in that bed looking so hurt and weak, he just wanted to fix everything, so none of this would happen to her - to them, again._

_He walked over slowly, silently, to the chair beside her bed, deciding he should be there when she wakes up, even if she didn't want to see him, after all he had a part to play in the situation she was in now. _

_He didn't know how long it had been, he had spent the last hour just staring at her, he wanted to hold her hand but she looked so fragile, he felt if he touched her, she may break. He had done enough damage already and was internally debating with himself whether he should call one of the doctors to be there when she woke, perhaps then he wouldn't have to explain what had happened again, although he figured she would have a pretty good idea herself. That wasn't fair, not for her, after she would have to go through all that pain again, without him there by her side, he didn't want to take the easy way out, because he loved her, he wanted to be there, but this time, not even he could predict her actions, that's what scared him the most._

_He looked down at the picture he had in his hands, he had kept it with him the whole time he had been at the hospital, that picture used to be everything he wanted. It showed him standing with her, outside of the house they had bought together; it used to be everything he wanted, everything he dreamt about, the perfect life. Little did he realise, even the perfect life had its problems, and they were just covered with a fake smile. It only took someone to look into their eyes to notice the pain and suffering they were going through now. Perhaps at that point in time, he really did have the perfect life and now everything had changed, and that was where everything had gone wrong._

_He looked at her face in that picture, wondering if she was truly happy then, or was it now that she was really happy, because honestly he didn't know what it was that stopped her from giving up but whatever they went through, she always looked on the bright side of things. For her, there was always an opportunity to make something better and that was his job, mentally, he always had to fix things, he always had to make things better and whenever there relationship went through a rough patch he would always find a way of getting them through it. This however was out of his control, he felt powerless and pathetic, everything now was beyond his reach, anything he could do to make it better was surely out of the question, now even he had given up hope, there really was nothing else he could do to fix it._

_Staring at that picture, he wished he could go back to that moment, before very argument, before every night they spent apart and every heartbreaking visit to the hospital, where he would be doing exactly as he was now, sitting there helpless, praying she would be okay._

_He didn't realise how long he had been staring at the picture, the realisation hit him when he heard a quiet voice, all the person said was "Stefan?" in an exhausted temperament. _

_When he looked towards the bed, he could see her beautiful eyes, half closed, staring up at him, with a questioning gaze, then the realization hit her, suddenly she knew where she was. That was when he gently grabbed her hand that was lying on the bed next to her; all she needed to see was the look in his eyes to know that it wasn't good news, it never was. He was shaking his head in disbelief, tears brimming in his eyes once again, he didn't want to have to say it out loud and he figured she had already worked it out._

"_It happened again?" she asked in the same, quiet voice she had used before, although this time, it was filled with not only physical but emotional pain. He could see she was wishing it wasn't true, even though she could pretty much tell it was, but she didn't cry, although he could tell she wanted to. _

"_I'm sorry." – He knew that wasn't nearly enough to say after what he had done, but that was all he could manage. The hurt and pain seemed physical to him as well, keeping a hold of his words, preventing him from telling her everything he really wanted to, everything he needed to._

_But he knew deep down inside, it was selfish of his to be upset when she was the one in real pain. Tears were brimming in her eyes now and she was struggling to keep hold of the weak smile she was forcing. She barely had any strength but manage to squeeze his hand gently, as he was about to explain to her where everything had gone wrong, but he knew that was a sign she just didn't want to hear, this time, it was all too much for both of them, they didn't want to face their own actions._

"_It doesn't matter, I don't remember a thing – I think it's better that way." she explained to him apologetically. "Unless you want to talk about it?" she added nervously._

"_No, I think we need to move on." he stated, knowing that was exactly what they needed to do._

"_We're going to be okay, everything is going to be fine." she told him, as a single tear slid down her cheek. _

_Seeing her like this broke his heart, but for once, he just couldn't believe they could get through it._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Stefan." the voice made him snap back into reality, from the tired tone, he knew he must have woken Elena, now he felt even guiltier, he just wanted to leave but he knew he owed it her to stay and tell her more.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." he replied as he walked over to the side of the bed she wasn't lying in. He sat down on the edge of the bed, knowing that now she was awake, he might as well start talking. "What are you doing here?" she asked politely, still with a hint of tiredness in her voice.

"I thought we should talk." he said nervously, wondering if she wanted him to leave. "This early in the morning?" she questioned jokingly. "I'm sorry, I can come back later.." he began, only to be cut off by her speaking once again.

"No, please stay." she said patting the spot on her bed next to her, indicating for him to sit down. She noticed he had a book in his hands and by the look in his eyes, he was pretty hesitant about something so she thought it would be best to let him get it off his mind.

"What's with the book." she questioned a little more awake now, although it was ridiculously early. "It has some photos of me and her, and I thought you should see them, and I could tell you a little more." he replied.

She nodded in agreement, not wanting to interrupt him, knowing he was about to tell her more about their past, something she needed to hear about.

He opened the book and the first two pages were covered with pictures of Stefan and his ex, she had to admit she was kind of jealous; in all of those pictures they both looked so happy.

"We met in high school and from the minute I first talked to her, I knew I loved her. She was beautiful and the more I spoke to her, the more I learned about her - I started to like her even more and as well as being beautiful, she had such an admirable personality, I had never met anyone like her before, she just seemed to stand out from all of those other girls, but she stood out in a good way. She was never afraid to be herself and didn't care what other people thought about her. I guess I fell for her instantly. When we started dating everything seemed so perfect, for once I actually felt like I meant something to somebody, for the first time since my parents died, I felt like someone wanted to be around me. I knew I would do anything for her, and I knew she felt the same. When the time came for us to go our separate ways, when we going to leave for college, I had been doing a lot of thinking; I couldn't imagine myself ever loving anyone else, she just seemed so perfect, so I decided to propose. I thought after college we could get married and live the lives we truly wanted to. When I asked her she seemed shocked, she literally couldn't believe it but she said that it was what she wanted and she said yes." he paused for a moment, only to look up as Elena's facial expression changed from being inquisitive to looking extremely guilty. Then he realised what he had said, it almost sounded like he was mad at her for refusing his proposal.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean –" he said, only to be stopped by her, explaining that it was okay, because although she still felt responsible for him being unhappy right now, she wanted to know more about his past and she wasn't going to let him start apologizing for something she did.

"Anyway, we didn't think we would get into the same colleges even though we did both apply for the same ones, so I didn't want us to drift apart if we did end up going to separate places. But surprisingly we did actually get into the same place, and although the engagement seemed sort of forced because of going to college we still decided we wanted to stick with our plans." he stopped and watched as she turned the page of the book, at first she didn't really know why he had shown her this, but looking at all of their pictures together just made it seem more real, like a completely different life, a completely different Stefan, she noticed he had stopped talking and she didn't know if that was all he was going to say because really apart from seeing the pictures of both of them, he had never really explained what had gone wrong in their relationship.

"Everything was going great, but I remember the night we had our first argument, it wasn't just a disagreement over something stupid, it was something neither of us could ever agree on. I hated myself in that moment, everything I said, I regretted. We were just shouting at each other, as if that would resolve things, but it just made it all worse. I should have been the one to talk to her sensibly about it and actually act like an adult, but I didn't. Eventually it ended up with her leaving the house and just walking into the street, I didn't know if it was to get away from me, or to get away from everything. At that point in time, there was just so much pressure to always make the right choices and make sure everyone else was happy, we never put enough effort into making our relationship work properly, like talking to each other, and we stopped doing the little things." he said sadly, she could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to spill, she reached out her hand and gently touched his cheek, smiling sympathetically.

"What was it about – the argument, I mean? What did you fall out over." she asked quietly.

He didn't expect her to ask questions, this caught him off guard; he didn't want to say anymore, partly because he couldn't cope with reliving anymore of those awful memories and secondly he didn't think it was a good idea to drop a bombshell this early in the morning. Lying was wrong and he had learned that the hard way, they both had. Being honest would always be the best solution, so whilst he wanted to tell her everything he knew it was better to be vague now, and then go into detail later on. So eventually he answered, silencing his conflicted conscience.

"It was about having kids, at the time, I didn't want them and she did, I tried to explain that me saying no then didn't mean it was forever but she didn't want to hear it and said that it was obvious that I didn't want to be with her and that if I truly loved her I would have given her what she wanted, it didn't take me long to realise that the more I tried to explain it to her, the less she listened and the more I heard her say that I didn't love her, that was when I realised she had changed." he finished, looking down at the book that lay on the bed before them, with his tired eyes. "Even after that argument we decided we had both said things that were inappropriate and we decided that we shouldn't let a stupid argument tear up what we had, so we sorted things out but it kept happening and we kept arguing and each one seemed to be a little worse than the last. In most of these pictures we were never truly happy."

She hadn't even realised that she was crying until she felt yet another tear fall onto her arm; she suddenly looked away feeling guilty that she was the one crying, when all of this had happened to him.

"I'm sorry." was all she said, knowing that those words could never fix what had already been broken, nor could they take all of the bad memories away but that was all she could say, because she was truly sorry that someone as kind and caring as Stefan could be put in situations like that.

"It doesn't matter, I can't change the past but I know that I don't want it to affect my future - our future together because that is all that matters now." he replied smiling faintly, his tiredness now becoming more evident, she could tell he probably hadn't slept at all, she felt bad keeping him awake too, so decided letting him sleep probably wasn't such a bad idea, he did look like he was about to pass out any second now with exhaustion.

"It's okay, you can go to sleep, and I won't get up for a couple of hours yet either." she added softly, smiling as she wiped away the few tears that fell. Stefan was about to protest, but she silenced him with a kiss and he was too tired to try and argue after that, it was still dark outside and sitting in the room, spending time with her was probably the best thing he could be doing right now, so he figured he could afford a few hours of sleep.

"Fine." he said, rolling his eyes playfully, and then slowly moving to rest his head on the pillow behind him and watching as she closed the book that was resting on the bed. He closed his eyes as soon as his head hit the pillow, exhaustion suddenly taking over.

As Elena picked up the book on the bed, she looked over at Stefan who was pretty much, already asleep, she smiled to herself. She carried the photo album over the table in the corner of the room, leaning down and placing it there until the morning, when they would have the chance to put it away, well she hoped to burn it considering what a bitch this woman seemed like, but she figured she probably shouldn't say that to Stefan yet.

However when placing the book on the table, she noticed a small picture had fallen out onto the floor, unlike the others, this one had just been placed in the back of the book as if somebody had forgotten in was there. She could see from where she was standing that it had some writing on the back, a name or a date perhaps seeing as it was face down, she couldn't tell. Even though she was tired too, her curiosity overtook her and she definitely couldn't wait until morning to find out what this picture was, as she picked it up she read the writing on the back, it was beautiful handwriting, which looked like it was from an old story book. She noted that it was not Stefan's writing as she had expected so she assumed it must have been 'hers'. She could have sworn that her heart skipped a beat or maybe ten, when she read the words,

'_Our Grace' _

written on the back of the photograph but as she turned it over this was the least of her worries. Staring in awe at the picture in front of her, she felt her hands go numb, she lost all feelings she thought she once had her whole world just seemed to come crashing around her in the blink of an eye, she let the picture fall out of her hands as her hands shook. She quickly picked it up and placed it back in the book, pretending she had never seen it before. However she knew she would never convince herself, no matter what, she couldn't the thought out of her head.

_**A/N: Okay so please don't hate me for the cliffhanger, can you guess anything about the picture or what happened to Stefan and 'her' yet? please review and let me know! thank you **_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Okay I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update, there has been a few things that have had to take priority recently. You probably all hate me for taking so long but honestly I hate myself more. From now on in the story the secrets will be spoken about a lot more so this is where it starts to get interesting. I hope you all enjoy this update **_

Her heart seemed to be beating about a million times per minute, obviously she knew this was impossible but she couldn't stop the feeling of uneasiness and worry overcoming her in that moment. Despite her promise to herself- to vow she had never seen that picture, the thoughts that were running through her head in the minutes later. There was so many possibilities that she didn't even want to think about because she knew they would only torture her until she knew the truth. She could have completely misinterpreted the whole thing and was just making a big deal out of it. Unfortunately, there was something inside of her head telling her that this was going to be worse than she had initially feared.

As she walked over to the bed, her hands were shaking from the shock; she couldn't stop thinking about that picture and about what it meant for her and Stefan. How much was he really hiding from her? Watching him lying there in the bed, looking so perfect and innocent, she could never believe that he had a whole other side to his personality, all of those secrets that he was still keeping from her. She knew that eventually the pressure would become too much and as much as it pained her to see him talk about them, torturing himself with all of the bad memories, she still couldn't help but want to know more.

All she wanted to do was cry; she knew it wouldn't help anything, but at the time, crying seemed like the best option to her. Even though afterwards she would feel ten times worse for being such an idiot, crying might just manage to wash away all of the sadness and false hope. She wanted nothing more than to be able to trust Stefan, but when it came down to keeping a secret like this, she didn't know if she could wait for him to tell her before she found out herself.

Lying down under the covers next to Stefan would normally make her forget everything bad in the world for the time being, but now perhaps he was the centre of everything bad that was heading their way. Needless to say she was scared: scared as hell in fact, that any day now his ex would come wandering back into his life, with everything he had ever wanted, the perfect life – no complicated girlfriend who was also keeping secrets, just the girl he had once loved offering him a place back in the life she knew he still wanted, even if it wasn't with **her**.

Watching Stefan sleep so peacefully was like another form of torture for her, she wanted so badly to go to sleep for a few hours, hoping to block out all of the negative thoughts for a while, but deep down she knew that it wasn't fair for her to pry into things he wasn't yet ready to tell her. So to stop herself from trying to find out more, she imagined how she would feel if Stefan went behind her back doing exactly the same as she was going to do herself, even if he didn't intentionally mean to upset her by doing so, she would still feel betrayed.

Eventually she also let herself give into sleep, momentarily forgetting about all of those awful possibilities she had tormented herself with, only making the ambiguity of the whole situation worse. It had completely slipped her mind that she had actually gotten into the same bed as Stefan, considering they were supposed to be 'starting again' she didn't really think she would end up sleeping with the guy on the first date.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She woke up when she felt soft kisses being pressed against the back of her neck and Stefan's strong arms wrapped around her tightly, refusing to let go. It was obvious he had been awake for a while, clearly getting bored with waiting around for her to get up.

She had completely lost track of time, just catching up on the hour or so, of sleep she had missed from their early morning conversation had turned out to be a lot longer than she had anticipated, clearly Stefan had no intentions of waking her up, or even moving for that matter and as he continued to plant kisses all over the top of her shoulders and back she wriggled slightly to try and get out of his grasp.

"Stefan." she breathed out, realising that he wasn't going to let go of her. "What?" he replied, sounding slightly irritated that he couldn't carry on kissing her. "What are you doing, I thought we were meant to be starting over, last time I checked, you don't normally end up in bed together after the first date." she said jokingly, as she turned around in his arms to face him.

"Well number one, you don't seem to mind too much." he said referring to the wide smile that now occupied her face. "and number two, how can I resist when I have someone as cute as you lying next to me." he added confidently, as he attempted to resume kissing her neck, when she stopped him.

"Stefan do you mind if I go over to Caroline's today, I just want to catch up with her after her trip and check in on Tommy if that's okay with you?" she asked, looking for his reaction.

"Well I do have to go and get the car back after yesterday, so I don't see why it would be a problem, I can drop you off on the way there and then go and get the car sorted, or we could just invite them over on the way back, then we could all catch up." he suggested.

Elena didn't know what to say, how could she explain to him that she wanted to talk to Caroline about the picture, which he didn't even know she had seen. She didn't want to seem mean and selfish by saying no, but she didn't think she could keep something like this to herself, she definitely needed some advice.

"Urmm would it be okay if you dropped me off there on your way to the car, I just wanted to have some girl talk, it seems ages since I got some time with Caroline." she replied sweetly, trying not to hurt his feelings.

"On one condition?" he said proudly "I get to carry on kissing you." he stated as he moved closer to her once more, this time planting a soft kiss on her lips then making his way down to her neck and shoulders once again. Elena was going to protest but she was willing to forget about this morning's escapade if he was too, after all she was enjoying herself just a little.

Fortunately he didn't seem offended and they both eventually got out of the bed, putting the sombre mood from the early hours of that morning, far behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Elena knocked on Caroline's front door as she waved Stefan goodbye, she was surprised to see the face that met her at the door. "Rebekah?" she said, surprise evident in her voice, just before she flung her arms around her as she stood in the doorway.

"What are you doing here, I just can't believe how long it's been." she began excitedly, before Rebekah even had a chance to speak. Caroline walked towards the front door, carrying along with her, a rather displeased looking Tommy.

"Sorry I didn't get chance to explain over the phone, but Rebekah is going to be staying here for a while, I was going to tell you but you seemed pretty desperate to get over here so I thought it would be a nice surprise." she said cheerfully, but as soon as Elena had got over her sudden excitement of seeing an old friend her smile quickly faded as she remembered the reality of this situation she faced.

"Yeah, I hate to ruin the mood, but I really need to talk to you about something." Elena said vaguely, staring down at her hands, Caroline gestured for her to come into the house, instead of standing outside in the cold. Once they were all three seated in the living room with Tommy sitting on the floor watching the TV quite happily, Rebekah and Caroline stared at Elena intently, both wondering what was with the ambiguity of her phone call to Caroline suddenly stating that she needed to come over to talk about some things.

"So go on spill." Caroline said smiling in Elena's direction, attempting to lighten the mood. "Hey, why can't you talk to Stefan about this?" Rebekah asked suddenly, cutting off Elena just as she was about to speak.

It was weird how nothing seemed different with Rebekah there, even though they hadn't seen each other for a couple of years, their friendship was the kind where it didn't matter how long it had been, they both respected their lives had taken them down different paths but whenever they met up with each other it seemed like only two minutes since they last spoke. Elena trusted Rebekah like a sister and knew she would be another one to help advise her on her relationship at the moment.

"Well that's the thing you see, it's about Stefan." Elena said quietly, almost as if she were trying to stop someone from hearing as if it were a secret.

"A lot has gone on recently and to cut a long story short, we both kind of figured out that we aren't the people we originally thought." she said vaguely.

Both Caroline and Rebekah looked at each other in shock, both of them lost for words, neither of them wanting to say the words. Elena soon caught onto the fact they had gotten the wrong idea. "Oh no, I didn't mean we broke up." she added laughing slightly at their expressions; maybe her face portrayed more sadness than she first anticipated.

"Basically… he proposed the other day." she said quickly and quietly hoping they wouldn't get too carried away with their excitement because she didn't want to feel even worse for saying no than she already did.

"OH MY GOD!" squeaked Caroline. Elena could see she was going to have to scream at Caroline, or slap her around the face or do something, anything to snap her out of the wedding planning world she had just mentally gone into. Fortunately for her, Rebekah had noticed that Elena did not look happy, nor was she wearing a ring on her left hand and soon after that Caroline stopped talking and also realised that Elena was not sharing her excitement like she would if she had been engaged.

"I said no." Elena began, both Rebekah and Caroline knew better than to ask questions and that just letting Elena explain herself would be the best thing to do.

"Thing is, before I met Stefan, I was in a pretty serious relationship and eventually I married the guy…but it didn't work out. Thing is, I never told Stefan about it, and although I thought I was over it, when he proposed, all of those memories, all of the secrets I had kept from him, came flooding back and I felt like I could never agree to marry him until he knew the truth so I said no. Turns out I wasn't the only one who was keeping secrets. He had been in a pretty serious relationship before we got together too. I didn't know much about it that was until last night. He started to talk about her and he showed me a photo album, everything I would expect from a past relationship and when I went to put the album away before I went to bed, I found something…" she said taking a breathe reliving everything that had gone on between her and Stefan last night.

"I – I found a picture and on the back it said 'Our Grace' it was in someone's handwriting, I'm assuming it was hers. But when he was showing me the pictures, he never even got that one out, as if he wanted to pretend it wasn't there."

Both Rebekah and Caroline looked at each other, trying to process everything their friend had just told them, knowing things would be better if they carried on listening to see what the real problem was, because although everything Elena had just confessed seemed pretty tough to deal with, she seemed to be coping pretty well.

"The picture was of an ultrasound." she finished, knowing if she went any further she might go into hysterics because honestly the thought that Stefan had a child of his own out there scared her to death.

"Look Elena, it might not be what you think," Caroline began quickly "look you said it was in her hand writing right? So maybe that picture has nothing to do with her and Stefan, perhaps it was one of her family members like a sister or something?" she stated hopefully, trying to detract her thoughts from the reality of the situation, but however hard she tried, she knew in her head that the possibility of it belonging to Stefan was much higher than the idea of him having nothing to do with it.

"But why would it say 'Our Grace'?" Elena asked desperately, her voice cracking slightly. "I love him and I was willing to wait as long as it takes for us to get back to normal, but this? I don't know if I can handle something as big as this, I thought I was ready to hear everything about him, but I really don't think I am any more." she added doubtfully.

"Look Elena, you explained that neither of you have told each other everything yet right?" Rebekah asked "Well if you haven't told him everything yet, because you're waiting for the right time, maybe he is going to do the same. I imagine if this is as big a secret as you think it may be, it might be hard for him to talk about it. I don't think you should mention that you know anything before he tells you, because initially you don't know anything yet, you think you do but really it might just be a misunderstanding and from all of the stress you must be under at the minute, it probably all seems worse that it is." Rebekah stated confidently, seeing the fear in Elena's eyes she knew that everything was probably going wrong right now, but honestly she knew Stefan and Elena could work it out because their love wasn't something you could give up on that easily.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rebekah's words kept echoing in her mind 'you don't know anything yet.' which was true, but to Elena it felt like she knew everything and nothing could stop her mind from wandering to the darkest places she didn't want it to go and it hurt her, the fact that her heart told her to trust Stefan but her head telling her that she needs to know more and that waiting for him to tell her isn't enough. It made her feel selfish.

She spent the day at Caroline's talking about girl stuff and shopping, what Rebekah was planning to do while she was staying there, but honestly she couldn't say she had been paying much attention, right now all she wanted to do was see Stefan, to be with Stefan and make everything go back to the way it had been before. To a time where they could have told each other their secrets as soon as they met, where they didn't pretend to live in a world that was perfect because it would never be.

It was pretty cold out when Stefan came to pick her up, he explained that the car had been fixed whilst she was away and she smiled at the memory of the disaster that was their first date. Perhaps forgetting about all these secrets wouldn't be a bad idea for now, she needed to trust Stefan as much as he trusted her, because she wasn't going to be the one to ruin this for a second time.

"So did you have a good day?" Stefan asked her, noticing she seemed a little distant.

"Yeah, it was good thank you. I'm just a little tired after last night." she lied, knowing he was catching on to her hesitancy, but she needed to make it convincing she couldn't let on that she knew about the picture because she knew if it was what she thought he would be crushed that she had found out about it before he was willing to tell her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She felt bad, the rest of the day she had spent with Stefan she barely paid him any attention. The thoughts of the picture and what he was really keeping from her just kept invading her mind. She didn't know how long she was going to be able to keep this up for; unfortunately she knew there was only one way to find out the truth without hurting Stefan and it wasn't something she was going to enjoy but it had to be done and as much as she despised him, it was the only way for her to know how big these secrets really were, if it meant her and Stefan could be happy, she was willing to put up with talking to Damon.

_**A/N: Okay so please let me know what you thought by reviewing or on twitter, thank you for reading **_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: WOW it has been so long since I have updated it's actually ridiculous. I am SO sorry, thank you to everyone who has continued to read this story even though I take so long to write, but I have tried to keep it interesting without revealing too much. THANK YOU again for reading and I apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes I just wanted to post the update for you all.**_

She knew that her idea was stupid, crazy and ridiculous. If someone had told her a couple of months ago that she would be talking to Damon about something serious, she probably would have laughed in their face but now, things had changed and although she still hates the idea of even looking at him, she knew that right now Damon was the person that could give her the answers she was looking for.

Elena hated the idea of going behind Stefan's back to find out information that he may tell her eventually, but she couldn't take that chance, she needed to put her own mind at rest before she could even think about anything else, needless to say, she felt more than selfish.

The more she thought about it, the more messed up the idea seemed, she knew if the situation was the other way around and Stefan was going behind her back to find out things about her past, she would be upset thinking that he didn't trust her to tell him those important things, but then she didn't know how long she could wait for him to explain these things to her and no matter how hard she tried, she could never stop herself from thinking about a day in the future where Stefan might not want her anymore because he wants his family back and that she was just someone to pass the time until he found them again.

That was something she had never thought about, he had spoken to her about his ex but he had never actually said whether he missed her or not, or whether he wanted her back. Thoughts like this were constantly invading her mind, the past week she had barely thought of anything else, the worst part of it all was trying to hide her thoughts from Stefan, he knew her so well and could tell instantly when anything was wrong, so she knew it was so important that she didn't let on she knew anything other than what he had told her, because honestly she felt beyond guilty and would hate to imagine his reaction.

Even after the long days she and Stefan spent together going into that spare room alone at night was the worst of it all, the time when all of those doubts and worries would come flooding back to her right before she was about to go to sleep. Without Stefan next to her at night, she felt lonely and vulnerable, as if all of the protection and safety she once had by his side had disappeared, secretly she wondered if that would ever return – whether they would ever be able to trust each other again but now they were too far into this to try and pretend that everything would be okay, they both needed to know the truth: all of it.

As she lay staring at the ceiling of the spare room she willed herself to stay awake, to not close her eyes. She was exhausted but she didn't want to sleep, that was when her mind would take over completely controlling not only her thoughts but her dreams too – the worst had been a couple of evenings ago, she felt so cold and so alone and all she wanted was to be wrapped up in the safety of Stefan's arms but she knew that was impossible, so every evening she had stopped herself from falling asleep, to prevent one of those awful dreams occurring once again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Elena looked around, for a moment she didn't recognise her surroundings, but then a moment later it all became clear. For some strange reason, she was standing in the driveway of the boarding house, all alone. The sun had almost set and dark clouds were gathering above, indicating that it was soon going to rain. She hadn't noticed the cold air that encircled her until a moment ago; she wondered why she was out here on her own and why she wasn't with Stefan. _

_She began to walk towards their house as she could see that the lights were on, so she just assumed Stefan would be inside waiting for her, he would probably be worried, she didn't know how long she had been outside, the only memory she had was standing outside in the freezing cold, anything else that she tried to think of just seemed to be a blur. _

_As she reached for the front door, she quickly realised that it wasn't going to open, oddly it seemed to be locked, or for some reason she just couldn't get inside. She decided to walk toward the window of the living room, the light from the fire illuminating the whole room making it stand out from all of the others. Her plan was to quickly knock on the window to indicate that she was home. However what she saw when she reached the window was far from what she expected._

_It seemed as if her eyes were deceiving her, Stefan was in their house with…another woman. It was impossible, it had to be, Stefan loved her, how could he do something like this to her? _

_Everything that she was seeing seemed so unbelievable, the only thing that stopped her from thinking it was all in her mind was how empty and worthless she felt right in that moment. Surely something that wasn't really happening couldn't make her feel this way – it was as if someone had a knife and was repeatedly stabbing her in the back._

_He was standing with __**her**__ in front of the fire place, holding her hand, staring into her eyes lovingly. Jealousy wasn't even close to what she felt right now, she wanted to turn away or close her eyes, she would have done anything right then to stop this nightmare that was unfolding in front of her eyes, but it was impossible, it was as if this torture was meant for her to see._

_She was freezing from the cold air that enveloped her, maybe it was this that was preventing her from moving, and at least thinking that would put her mind at ease for a moment or so. _

_It was almost as if she were in a world where she didn't exist; maybe this was what it was like before she had met Stefan, maybe she was in the time where he was truly happy, where he was with his family, or whoever this woman was to him – his girlfriend or…his wife. Even the thought of that word sent chills down her spine, after all her rejecting his proposal was the main reason they are in this situation right now, otherwise neither of them would probably know about each other's secrets. _

_A wave of guilt travelled through her as she watched them both talking quietly, although she could hear nothing that they were saying, to her disappointment they both looked extremely happy, she couldn't recall a time where she had ever made him smile that way or have him look at her with such adoration and she blamed herself for all of that._

_She observed them both as they linked their hands together and as they did so, Elena noticed the ring on this woman's finger, and it seemed to sparkle intensely in the now dimly lit room. This along with all of the other thoughts running through her mind, made her want to cry and not just a little, it made her want to cry until she had no feelings left, until every emotion was gone and she could feel nothing, because right now, even feeling nothing was better than this._

_The two of them were perfect and all the while Elena could only think that it should have been her standing with Stefan, it should have been her making him smile and laugh, not lying to him about her past and pretending to be someone she was not. She wanted it to be her, so badly but the truth was, that it wasn't her and it would never be if she didn't start being more honest and more lies will only make everything worse._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Her mind was made up, she forbid herself from thinking about this anymore, talking to Damon was her only option. Maybe for once in the whole time she had known him, would he prove to be useful instead of just acting like a petulant child constantly. Although she didn't have high hopes for the information he would actually give to her, right now he was the only other person who could help her.

She called Damon the next day, ensuring Stefan had left for work that morning before he came over to speak to her. She hadn't even noticed he had arrived until she walked down the stairs to find him sitting in their living room waiting for her, she was surprised to say the least, and it was one of the odd occasions Damon actually turned up on time, clearly he had nothing better to do.

"Elena." He said casually, which she took as his way of talking to her in as little words as possible, as it wasn't unknown that they had never gotten on too well.

"Thank you for coming Damon, I know it's a little odd but I appreciate it." She replied sincerely, knowing that this conversation wouldn't go anywhere if she didn't treat him nicely.

"Well who doesn't appreciate my company, huh? I mean I know you always had a secret thing for me Elena but REALLY seeing me behind Stefan's back, seriously even you had me fooled on this one." He replied arrogantly, with the biggest smile that you had ever seen.

He was already beginning to infuriate her and they had barely started talking, but she knew she had to put up with him just for now and then once she got the information she needed, it would be over, then she would decide what to do then.

"Damon this is important, so just try and be serious for five minutes okay, I need to talk to you about Stefan." She began nervously, not sure how he would react to what she was about to tell him.

He stared at her, without responding to her last remark indicating that he was willing to see what she had to say about his brother.

"As you know, me and Stefan have had a lot to talk about and that we haven't been entirely honest with each other, but we have been trying to work things out recently and have both been telling parts of the truth that we have been keeping from each other. He told me about his ex – Katherine and showed me some of the pictures in an album he had hidden. They looked happy together but he said that she changed and then I guessed they broke up." She paused, glancing over at him to check he had actually been listening.

"and how exactly does this include me?" he asked, slightly confused when he realised she was staring at him.

"Afterwards I found a picture on the floor, that had obviously fell out of the album, it said 'our grace' on the back of it and I didn't realise what it really meant until I saw the picture… it was an ultrasound." She finished, unsure of what else to say, if Damon knew anything, this was his chance to tell her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As soon as he heard that name, the rest of the things she was saying seemed to be silent. Any other thoughts he had just vanished at the thought of her. It was beyond him how Stefan had never told Elena about one of the most important people in his life and he knew that it wasn't his place to tell her about things his brother should have explained a long time ago.

He knew lying was wrong and it was one of the main reasons that Elena and his brother was in this situation right now but he had no choice, no matter how upset Elena would be about not knowing anything, he was sure that it would be nothing on what Stefan would feel if he didn't tell her himself.

"Do you know anything about this?" she questioned, the words seemed to echo around the room as she continued to stare at him.

He knew he should give her a truthful response, but it wasn't his place to do so. "No, I'm sorry I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps it was just one of Katherine's old pictures from her family, she probably left it behind when they broke up." He said innocently, doing his best to sound naïve about the whole situation.

"Perhaps you should talk to Stefan?" he added, hinting that he wanted to leave now this conversation was over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She watched the door close as he left, she didn't know what the feel anymore. Relived that perhaps this picture had nothing to do with Stefan and was just a misunderstanding or concerned that even Damon didn't know about the secrets Stefan could be keeping.

Most of all she felt guilty that she had gone behind Stefan's back, which no doubt if he found out about, he would be distraught. So she decided that he wouldn't find out about any of this and that all of her doubts she would have about him should be forgotten and that she should trust him, like he trusted her.

The only things she should be focusing on now are rebuilding her relationship with Stefan because ultimately, that was the most important thing right now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was mid-afternoon when Stefan got a call at work; he knew Elena was busy today because she had explained to him that morning before he had left. He was surprised to find that Damon had decided to call him.

Normally he only called when he wanted to irritate his brother or to say when he was going to drop by to see him and Elena. At the moment, Stefan hoped it was neither of these two things. It only seemed to be two minutes since Damon last stayed and usually it took him a while to mentally prepare himself when his brother came to visit.

Needless to say he was extremely surprised and confused when the words "she knows" came echoing down the phone line.

There were a number of different questions that came into his mind because he couldn't figure out what his brother was talking about. The only thing he managed to ask was "What?"

"She knows Stefan, she knows about everything and she asked me about Katherine." He said sounding alarmed as he explained to his brother.

"I know Damon, I was the one that told her about Katherine, she needed to know and I know I made the wrong decision keeping it a secret from her, but I fixed it, I told her everything." He finished, even though he was partly lying, it wasn't any of his brothers business what he had or hadn't told Elena and he wanted this conversation to be over already.

"But that's the problem, you didn't tell her everything, she found a picture and asked me about Grace." Damon replied, slightly annoyed that his brother was lying to him.

There was a long pause at the end of the phone line and Stefan became speechless. There was nothing he could do now, Elena knew and he was pretty sure that she would never forgive him for hiding this.

After a couple of moments he managed to reply "What did you tell her?" he asked nervously, wondering if he should even bother returning home tonight, or whether Elena would already have left him.

"I pretended I didn't know what it was, but that's not because I didn't think she should know, it's because she needs to hear this from you and if you don't tell her soon, I'm telling you, one way or another, she will find out herself." He replied honestly.

Stefan didn't reply after that, he knew for once, his brother was right about something. He hung up the phone and leaned back into the chair in his office, closing his eyes just wanting to escape from the web of lies he was stuck into.

Talking to Elena was the only way he would be able to get them out of this and it was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want her to be disappointed in him, but no doubt she will be when he explains all of this.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Stefan walked through the door of their home, he was greeted by Elena smiling happily at him. It broke his heart knowing what he was about to tell her would probably stop her from smiling at him ever again.

On the journey back home, he was internally debating with himself whether she would ask him about the picture or how long ago she had found it. He didn't know whether to bring the subject up, or if she would mention it to him. Every single thought about this whole situation made all of the memories come flooding back to him and he would do anything to forget all of this and have all of the hurt and pain removed from his life.

For a long time after the events that had unfolded he forbid himself from feeling anything, because to him, even the pain of feeling nothing was better than constantly reminding himself that he was alone and had lost the two most important things in his life, probably both of which was his fault.

Looking at Elena in that moment made him think about all of the things he had ever done wrong, staring into her eyes made him feel guilty for every single one of those things and knowing the conversation that was about to take place, made him feel even worse.

He was broken from his thoughts when he heard her sweet voice echoing through the hallway.

"How was your day?" she asked politely, staring at him intently.

"Exhausting." He replied, reciprocating the smile she presented him with when he walked through the doorway.

"But I need to talk to you..." he began, hoping she would understand where he was going to go with this.

"Look Stefan, I know what you are going to say and I just want to say I'm sorry, it wasn't my place to go behind your back to find out information that you don't want me to know and I know it's my fault that we are where we are now and I'm just so sorry." She trailed off, not knowing what other words she could use to show him how sorry she was.

"I'm the one who should be sorry, I just wish you would have come to me so I could explain to you, I don't know what you think but I could have told you the truth. I can't guarantee it would be what you wanted me to say but I would be honest with you." He told her sincerely.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elena couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was willing to tell her what she wanted to hear? All along she had been worried that this picture had meant the end for both her and Stefan, and all along she had got the complete wrong idea. Surely if this was some awful secret, he wouldn't want to tell her about it. Suddenly the intense desire to know about the picture had disappeared, all of her doubts had vanished, and her thoughts of Stefan deceiving her had also gone away with these uncertainties.

"So you will talk to me about the picture?" she asked a little too enthusiastically.

Her words sent shivers down his spine; he didn't expect her to ask after he told her all of that. He just expected her to trust him, although it was only his fault that he couldn't trust her because honestly after the past few years he had given her no reason to trust him whatsoever, all of the things he had told her were lies. So she shouldn't be to blame for wanting to know the truth, but he didn't know if he could cope with that right now and he hated himself for that – but if he couldn't come to term with what really happened, how was it fair to expect her to do the same?

"The picture… it's of my ex's niece. She adored her and when she left she took all the pictures of her behind. That must have been one that she forgot." He lied, again.

That was all he could seem to do, lie and he wasn't proud of it but he seemed to be caught in a web, once one lie was in place, others seemed to follow naturally and the only way out was to be honest, the one thing that seemed to be near to impossible now.

He didn't know how much longer he could keep his daughter a secret.

_**A/N: So I hope I didn't leave too much of a cliff hanger for you all but I have to make sure it's interesting. Please leave a review or tweet me my UN is MlssClaireHolt THANK YOU again **____** x x**_


End file.
